Life & Love of the Tormented

Chapter Twenty Two

  The car is quiet while I drive home but my mind is numb with white noise. It's so loud in there that I can't even separate one thought from the other. I'm nauseous and anxious and irritated.

I slam my dash and press the stereo on and aggressively search for the perfect song to drain it all out. The song 'I Am Above' by 'In Flames', comes on... This should drown out the conversations in my head, at least for a second.

  I pull in to the garage and immediately get out of the car. Slamming my door behind me. I don't even know what to think. My reflexes are on high alert and I'm relying on muscle memory to get me inside the house. My mind is racing and ultimately a scrambled mess but I'm exhausted suddenly.

What have I done?

I walk around the front of my car toward the door to inside.

Why have I let my fucking father do this  to me again!?

Colton opens the door just as I reach it.

"That was a quick booty call", he says laughing, thinking he's being hilarious. He hasn't left for lunch with the boys yet and honestly I'm so glad one of my best friends is here right now.

I look up, mascara smeared down my face, cheeks and eyes red and puffy from practically sobbing my heart out the entire drive home.

"What the fuck happened!?", Colton says becoming angry in a split second of seeing my face. I know it's because he'll be thinking the worst. That someone's done something to me... Hurt me... Except I did this to me this time. I let the issues I have destroy the only thing good that's come into my life...

Colton grabs me, he wraps his arms around me tight. It's familiar and safe and I welcome it and melt into his chest and sob silently.

  "Amelia, what happened?", he pulls back and holds my face in his hands searching my eyes.

"I fucked it", is all I can get out.

"What do you mean? What happened?", Colton's growing more concerned.

"Nothing. Can we please just get wasted?", I say trying to hold back the sobs and shrug off any emotion whirling inside me.

"Amelia, what hap..."

I cut him off by kissing him. He breaks the kiss before it deepens.

"Meels look, that's not who we are anymore, what happened? I'm worried about you", Colton says holding me at arms length.

The anger begins to bubble again. Yay rejected twice within the hour.

God I'm a slut! What the fuck am I doing?

I shove him, I want to punch his stupid fucking face. Anyone's face actually...

  "Oh fuck off Colton if you're not going to drink with me or fuck me then you can fuck off too!", I scream.

I know I sound crazy but I need something to turn all of this off and even though I'm drained completely I won't be able to sleep.

I storm past him.

"Fine!", I can hear defeat in my friends voice. I stop and turn to look at him. "If you don't want to talk, then let's get smashed, go get yourself cleaned up the boys are waiting for me at the pub", he says already exhausted from my attitude.

I rush and hug him, "Thank you Colt", I say before kissing his cheek.

  I make my way to my bedroom burying my bad mood deep and plastering on a perfect poker face for a day on the grog. I need to be mind numbingly drunk as soon as possible.