Life & Love of the Tormented

Chapter Seven

  After a few more of Carter's perfectly made bourbons I'm feeling a slight buzz. We've been sat at this breakfast bar for almost an hour just talking, well with the odd kiss here and there.

  He's shy but passionate, about his interests, his family and of course New Zealand. I could sit here and listen to him talk all night to be honest. The conversation is easy and he's more than willing to let me see everything about him. There's no walls. He's vulnerable but still holds his own. I admire him for that. I could almost be jealous even.

  He's pushed a couple of times to get me to talk about my life. But it's a sad story and even though it's full of people, it's lonely. So I push back. I make smart ass, sarcastic remarks and have deflected all questions he's asked me. Honestly I'm scared if we carry this conversation on any longer I'm going to become vulnerable in front of him and spill everything about my darkness like it's word vomit. Because that's how he makes me feel. Like I can let the walls of my fortress down. It terrifies me. No one has ever gotten to me like this. I hate it and even though I'm trying not to let it... It kinda pisses me off that he's got under my skin so terribly fast.

"So, what does that mean?", he brushes his index finger over the little butterfly I have tattooed on my left wrist. His eyes search mine, almost begging for me to let him in, to give him even a tiny sliver of insight into who I am, "or is it just a random butterfly tattoo?".

  I look down at my wrist, "It's for my sister, Ria, see her name right there", I point at the tiny writing that curves down the edge of the left wing.

  "It's beautiful Amelia".

"She can be a fucking little bitch but I love the shit out of her", I say quietly while still admiring the petite black and blue marking of my favourite tattoo on my skin and I begin making circles of it with my finger. "She's so damn intelligent and just knows who she is ya know? And isn't afraid to tell you how she feels".

I immediately snap out of my daze and slam that wall straight back up.

  Fuck.

  Trust Carter to find a weakness in my facade... The most important person to me... my little sister... I'd fucking die for her. Mum and I are all she has. My Dad may have walked out on me but at least I know who he is, she doesn't even have a name for her Father.

  I feel a stab of pain in my chest for my little sister and scramble to find something to divert this conversation with. The only thing I can come up with is to kiss him. I lean forward and grab at his shoulder before kissing him in my desperate attempt to change the subject and stop from revealing any more of myself to him. To this amazing guy who genuinely just wants to know me.

Our kiss deepens and slowly begins to heat up. He pulls back slightly, our foreheads resting against each other.

  "Shall we slow down a bit?", he says through exerted breaths.

  I shake my head no in response, "Please, just kiss me Carter", this time the desperation in my voice comes from me wanting to shut the world out. Shut out anything I'm feeling right now, any pain, any darkness and anything I'm feeling for Carter, I just want silence in my head.

He responds to my request and I'm fairly certain he heard the hidden plea underneath my actual words as well because he pulls me closer until I'm almost straddling him on the stool.

  In a quick motion Carter cups my thighs, stands and lifts me onto the bench in front of him. Our lips never part, tongues still tangled with one another and he sets himself between my legs.

  I pull at his shirt, a silent beg for him to let me take it off. He obliges and I pull it off, over his head before tossing it onto the floor next to us. I notice a rather large tattoo he has that covers one side of his chest and shoulder entirely. Part of me wanted to freeze time so I could examine it. I wanted to study every inch of his bare torso and big arms but my body has other ideas.