Life & Love of the Tormented

Chapter Thirty Nine

  I scramble off of Carter's lap pulling my hoodie up from the floor and against my bare chest, moving over the centre console to the passenger seat.

Carter adjusts his clothes, tucking himself back into his track pants. The air is thick and smells of sex and silence hangs between us.

I pull my hoodie over my head and tuck my legs up to cross beneath me.

  We both begin to speak.

"Sorry, you go", I say to Carter offering a sideways smile.

"Amelia... I don't know what to tell you", he says turning to look at me.

I swivel slightly to look back at him.

"It hurt me so bad to see you kiss that guy and knowing you have no intention to try and not hurt me again fucking sucks", he takes a deep breath, his eyes falling to his hands which are fidgeting in his lap.

"But I can't seem to be away from you".

  "Carter..", I say stopping him, "I will never be the woman you need me to be...".

I pull my face away, searching out the window for the words I'm looking for.

"Just be you, that's who I need you to..", he begins,

"FUCK Carter please", I say stopping him again, turning and regaining eye contact.

He throws his hands up as if I have a gun.

"This", I gesture between us, "Us", using air quotes, "Is never going to work. I'm a fucking mess. Don't you see that? I can't keep doing this to you. I care for you far more than even I realised and that's why I can't... I can't be with you... I can't destroy you and I know I will. This has to be the last time. We can be... ", I watch his hands drop.

"Amelia, please don't...", he says, "Please don't say we can be friends because we both know we can not be friends".

He's hurt, again. This really has to be the end...

"Well fuck... I'm sorry Carter, we have to go our separate... ",

  "I know you don't mean this Amelia... Please", he almost begs me and it kills me to watch his heart break right in front of me.

  I reach for my pants and awkwardly pull them back on in the passenger seat.

  "Please Amelia", Carter pleads.

  I sigh, "Can you please just take me home?".

I have no other option than to end this with him even if I'm breaking my own heart in the process.

  This hurts more than I thought it would.
-

  The drive back to my house is silent and uncomfortable. I swear you could hear our hearts actually tearing apart inside our chests. I can't bare to be in this car much longer. I'm suffocating.

Carter barely pulls into my driveway before I swing open the passenger door to make my escape.

"Amelia!", he calls out as I leap from the vehicle, converse, phone and keys bundled in my arms.

I pretend not to hear him and basically run into the house. My feet hitting hard against the concrete beneath them.

Fuck I forgot my bra!

I slam the front door behind me and slump to the floor, leaning myself against it.

  Tears prick the back of my eyes.

I drop my face into my hands as I try catch my breath. Inhaling deep and desperately trying to fill my lungs as much as I can. Trying to stop the tears from falling.