Life & Love of the Tormented

Chapter Eighteen

This morning's sun doesn't seem to bother my little black soul as much as usual today, as it dances off the walls around Carter's room.

  I'm not even sure what time we came to bed but after our intense session in his living room and then the pizza and bourbons, we curled up on the couch and watched a movie. I honestly don't think we were very far passed the opening credits before the pyjamas he lent me were on the floor. I'm guessing they're still there because I'm completely naked.

  Our sexual chemistry is something I've never experienced with anyone else or was expecting to. The way he kisses my skin, the way he touches me...

  Fuck. I'm blushing again and I don't seem to mind it.

  I'm laid on Carter's chest, smiling like an idiot, hooked under his left arm. I feel safe here and it makes me calm... Which scares the hell out of me. I bury my fear for a moment as I'm finally able to get a better look at the tattoo that is spread across the right side of his chest and shoulder. There's an eagle perched in a curved shape at the top of his pec and it's wings extend out over the top of his shoulder as if it was flying in to land. Toward the centre of his chest, is half an old style vintage looking clock with Roman numerals for the numbers. The hands on the clock are pointing to the time '3:20'. Covering the remainder of the pec is a large compass. It's so perfectly surrounded by filigree and shading and in fine dainty writing, along the edge, near his arm pit is some kind of date? I'm assuming? 'II.XI.MMXIV'.

  I can't help my self but to reach up and begin to trace the outlines of the tattoo. Admiring every tiny detail rigorously. Imagining what this stunning chest piece could mean. It's very well thought out and designed and fits so flawlessly across the space of Carter's chest. I can tell by the look of it that it means a lot to him.

"It's for my grandfather", Carter says without warning, giving me a fright. His voice is low, groggy and laced with sleep.

My hand freezes, I didn't even realise he was awake and reading my mind apparently.

"Oh shit. I'm sorry. Did I wake you?", I reply in a squeak.

"Not really, it's fine", he says smiling down at me with his barely open eyes.

  God damn, they're even captivating when he first wakes up.

  "So your tattoo is for your grandfather?", I ask, curious to know what his amazing ink means.

"Yeah", He sits up slightly, rubbing his face with his free hand and waking himself up further.

"My grandfather passed away in 2014 when I was about 18. He and I were pretty close.", he stops.

I can tell he's remembering his grandfather. He laughs but it's drenched with sadness.

"He was my best friend", he says.

Oh my god, my heart clenches and a lump in my throat forms.

"Anyways...", Carter begins again before clearing his throat. "He was in the Navy when he was a young man, he was so passionate about it. He told me so many stories while I was growing up. The eagle and compass represent his time in the forces", he pauses for a beat.

"This here", he's pointing at the writing, "That's the date he passed away and the clock right here". Carter runs his finger down the clocks edge, "That's the time he took his last breath. I was there with him".

I'm speechless, I knew that tattoo had to mean a lot. It's intricate detailing is proof of that.

  Carter's eyes fill with sadness. So much emotion right there, in a single look.

"I'm so sorry Carter", I say as I cup his cheek in my hand and pull his face toward me, kissing him deeply in hopes I can take the pain of losing someone that means so much to him, away.

We pull away slightly, our foreheads resting against one another. A silent moment for his fallen grandfather.

"Your turn", Carter says hopefully.

"Hmm? What do you mean?", I ask pulling further back from his face.

  "Your tattoos... May I please know what they mean?", he search's my eyes, pleading with his own.

"Oh yeah of course", I reply.

Carter was just so raw with me, this is the least I could do.

"So you know what my butterfly is", I say as I rub the black ink on my wrist.

"Yeah".

"Well", I roll out of Carter's arms and onto my back, "This one?", I'm pointing at my beautiful emerald snake tattoo that runs around from the side of my rib cage and under my breast. "It means rebirth and renewal... After some seriously horrible shit in my life, I had to find myself again and my snake represents that. She shed her old skin and so did I".

I look up at Carter who is studying my bright green serpent ink.

"And the writing on your spine? What does it say?", Carter asks enthusiastically.

I try to lighten the mood, "Did you not get a very good look at it last night?".

Carter laughs, "Not exactly, I was focused on something else", he says and I join in with his laughing.

"So what does it say?", Carter presses.

"Okay okay", I say still laughing, "That's my most recent one. It's lyrics from a song called 'The Westerner' by a band called 'Falling in Reverse'".

"I've never heard it or them for that matter", Carter admits not hiding his embarrassment.

"Don't worry, I didn't think you would have".

   "So what are the lyrics?", he asks, his interest clear.

"It says 'I feel the madness creeping slowly, Loved by many, I'm still lonely'".

  Our laughing stops and the mood in the room has undoubtedly shifted. My tattoo revealing all too much.

Carter lays there looking down at me without saying a word.

"What?", I ask, trying to shift from his gaze but curious to know what he's thinking.

"You really are sad in there aren't you", he taps my chest with two fingers where my heart is beating under the skin.

"Yes. But it's okay", I curve my lips into a small smile.

Before I can even comprehend how vulnerable and honest I've just been with Carter, he has his lips pressed against mine. His kisses are desperate and wanting, like kissing me and touching me is as important as breathing. He rolls me to lay on top of him.

"I wish I could take the sad and loneliness away for you Amelia. I hate that you feel like that", he says against my mouth before continuing to devour my lips and tongue with his own.

I lift my head, pulling away just enough for me to speak, "But I can see pain in your eyes too Carter, after losing such an important person in your life...".

"Yeah... Grief can be so fucking lonely", Carter says.

I kiss him again, mirroring his passion and need.

"I guess we can be sad and lonely together then", he says.