Life & Love of the Tormented

Chapter Fifty Two

  It's been almost two weeks since I got to Hervey Bay. I've been focusing most of my attention to my studies and to testing my body and mind, which has really benefitted my progress.

  I've been out for lunch a few times with Mum and Ria when I've needed to get away from the computer and we've kind of established an evening routine between the three of us. We take turns cooking and after we've done the washing up we pick a movie and curl up on the couch together at the end of every night.

  I haven't had a single drop of alcohol since I got here either. Which has been refreshing. My mind feels clearer. No haze or fog every morning has made getting out bed a lot easier.

  I had my first zoom meeting with my psychologist from Brisbane yesterday as well. She's amazing and is glad I've made a string of appointments and started seeing her again. I am too. She knows all the ins and outs and chaos in my life so talking with her again is going to help me get better. She wants to see me in person when I'm home and this time I've promised her I won't be stopping our sessions just because 'I feel fine'.

  Carter wasted so much time trying to stick the broken fragments of my dark little heart back together. He got so hurt in the process to. Each argument and head fuck I put him through in our short time together broke a little piece of him. I watched it happen. I'll never forgive myself for that. I almost destroyed him. So I have to try and better myself. For me but for him to...

  The majority of my days I've tried to spend studying. Focusing my energy into my degree. I watch the virtual classes, take in all the information, read my text books and then dive straight into my assignments.

  The lectures from Uni have been incredible and even though I've only been away from home for twelve days, I'm ahead of my course schedule already. I'm enjoying the content which makes it easy to jump ahead to the next lesson. It's helping me get my self back on track to, because I have goals to focus on. It's all become part of my process.

  One of my lecturers, Mr Hagan, has even given me extra little assignments to complete between lessons. They're more on the practical side instead of theory. Using photography techniques from the 1800/early 1900's with modern technology. That's what I've been working on this morning. Editing my images to hand in. They're not part of the grade but I still want to take them seriously.

  *Ding Ding*

  I draw my eyes away from my laptop and pick up my phone. It's the first break I've taken since I started studying this morning.

  'Hey! Just wanted to message and say I'm thinkin' of ya. Taya has been relaying things back to me about how you're doing. I'm so glad you're doing so much better already. I miss you dude. Carter misses you to. Hope to see you home soon xx'

  It's a text from Ben and the mention of Carter makes my throat instantly dry. I fucking miss him so much and because we agreed to go our separate ways I haven't heard from him since the second day I got here.

The days without him seem to be getting easier though. That is until I go to bed... When the void becomes to hard to ignore again. I'm alone in the dark, pain crushing the place under my ribs where my heart rests.

Before now I thought heartbreak only happened when someone else hurts you... Not when you hurt yourself...

I haven't cried myself to sleep the past two nights though, so that's progress I guess.

  'Hey, it's good to hear from you fucker! I'm doing really well thank you. I still have a long way to go but I'm getting there. I miss you too', I type... And I miss Carter, but I don't include that in the message. 'I'll call you over the weekend if you're free? xx', I finish up the text and hit send before getting back into my Uni work.

*Ding Ding*

Almost instantly I get a reply back from Ben.

'I'm free tonight? x', he replies.

'Speak then 😚', I send back.

I spend the rest of day sending off the last of the assignments I've been working on to my lecturers. I'm a week ahead of lessons now so I'm gifting myself with tomorrow and the weekend free of study before I get back into it on Monday.

  "Hey Meels!", Ria calls as she walks through the door from school.

  "Hey Ree!", I call back to her while sitting in the lounge room.

  I parked my ass here, on this couch, to binge watch some trashy mind numbing show when I finished my Uni stuff about an hour ago. And I haven't moved since.

  Ria stops to lean over the back of the couch to kiss the top of my head passes.

"What do you want for dinner sis!?", I yell out to her as she walks toward her bedroom. I've finally got my voice back and it feels so good to be able to speak pain free.

  "I'll cook or we can get takeout? Mum's going for dinner with that woman from her work, Diane or whatever, so it's just us!", I continue to yell from the couch, making no attempt to get up and actually walk to Ria's room to speak to her.

  "Oi! Ree! What did you want for...", I stop abruptly when my phone begins to ring.

  "What!?", Ria yells back.

  "Just come here when you have a sec!", I call back before answering my phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Fucker", the familiar voice announces through the phone.

  "Omg hey dude! How are you!?", I ask excitedly.

  It's so fucking good to hear Ben's voice. I'm so glad we're still such good mates. Especially after everything that happened between Carter and I. It can't be easy for Ben, trying to do right by us both. I'm glad he's still my mate though.

  "Yeah good aye. I've just finished Uni so I thought I'd call you now, on my way home", he says. "If that's okay? You're not busy?", he continues.

  "Oh! No! That's cool! I've finished studying for the day anyways. I just sent off next weeks assignments for marking", I say proudly.

  "Well look at you! Hervey Bay making you a teachers pet?", Ben asks teasingly.

  "Fuck off!", I shoot at him, making my eye roll apparent even though he can't see me through the phone. "I'm just keeping my head straight... So what you been up to!?", I ask.

  "Nothing much aye, missing you! Taya does to...".

  The mention of my best friend hits me hard in the chest. It's not even been two weeks and I miss them so fucking much!

"I miss you both too".

  We talk and catch up for about forty minutes and somehow by the end of the phone call Ben has convinced me to fly home for the weekend. Carter's gone to Coffs Harbour with a few mates and won't be back until Sunday night so that makes my decision easier. There's also a gig for a Perth metalcore band, 'Patient Sixty Seven', on, on Saturday night and Ben wants me to go with.

  "Fuck it, I'll come home for the weekend. I'm not drinking though okay?", I remind Ben. The only reason I've agreed is because Carter is away. It's far to soon to see him.

"That's fine dude. I won't drink either", Ben says.

  While booking my flight I decided I'd pick up my car once I'm back and drive back to the Bay on Sunday arvo instead of flying. That way I'll have my car up here to use and when I'm ready to come home to Brisbane, I can just drive and not have to worry about paying for another flight or squeezing all my shit into a suitcase.

  "Right so I'm on VA267, arriving in Brisbane at 8am Saturday morning"

  "Awesome! Don't tell Taya though! We'll just turn up and surprise her aye?", Ben suggests.

  "Oh fuck yeah she'll love that!".