Life & Love of the Tormented

Chapter Forty Eight

My bare feet ache as they touch the cold tiles of the bathroom. Carter rests me against the wall, using the towel rail for balance. He closes the door behind us and pulls his white t-shirt off over his head then begins to unbutton his jeans.

"What are you doing?", I ask him.

He freezes and looks up at me.

"I'm showering with you".

I don't know what to say. Only a few hours ago I could have sworn he hated me, that he thought I was a slut and that all I wanted to do was fuck around with other guys. That I was incapable of love. I didn't think he believed me when I told him I loved him.

"Do you think that's a good idea?", I ask him.

I want more than anything to have Carter shower with me but I know this little moment has to be short lived. Right now we can't be together. Not until I get myself and my mental health straight again. Then maybe we could talk about everything and see where we go from there.

Carter cups my face and strokes his thumb against my cheek, being careful to not rub the slash on my chin.

"I think we both need this Amelia.", he says before leaning over to kiss my forehead.

  I don't argue further, I just want to enjoy this moment we have in this little bubble. The reality of everything that has occurred seems to have been pushed to the side since my accident and my accident seems to have brought us together again...

At least for tonight...

  I'm not complaining in the slightest but I know this can't last.

While Carter continues to undress I turn the shower on, adjusting the water until it's at a comfortable temperature.

Once he's finished, Carter helps me to remove my dress, t-shirt and underwear before enveloping me in his arms gently and walking us slowly into the shower to stand under the warm stream.

  I flinch as the water runs over my wounds sending stinging sensations all over my body. Carter stands behind me, holding me steady. His arm is around my waist and his large hand spread over my stomach. He holds me close as I adjust to the pain that slowly goes numb before fading.

"You okay?", he asks against my ear.

"Yeah... It just hurt to begin with", I say smiling awkwardly up at him before leaning my head back against his shoulder, letting the water run down the front of my body.

"I thought you hated me", I reveal my thoughts out loud.

  "What?", Carter asks.

  "I thought you really hated me...", I say again without moving to look at him.

  "Hate you?", he asks leaning his chin on my shoulder.

  "Yeah? Because of everything I did to you... Because of how I spoke to you. Because I'd called Matt. Because I fucked you then told you to fuck off on more than one occasion. Because I told you I didn't love you when I always did and when I finally did tell you, you didn't believe me", I explain in a muted tone.

  "Amelia, we don't have to get into all this right now. Can we just enjoy being together right now?", Carter says before kissing my shoulder.

  "I'm sorry Carter", I say as I turn in his arms. Looking up at him with pained eyes. "I'm sorry for everything I've done. I'm sorry for everything I said. I'm just really truely sorry for it all".

  Carter leans down and kisses me gently.

Tears prick my eyes.

  "Thank you... And hey... can I please ask you a question?", he asks.

  "Of course?", I say letting a hot droplet run down my flushed cheek.

  "Do you really actually love me?, he asks.

"I really do Carter", I reply without hesitation.

  He kisses me softly.

  "I love you to", he says before deepening the kiss.

I stop, pulling away from Carter and breaking out kiss.

  I can't hold it back much longer and I begin to cry. The tears come slow at first the. everything inside me begins to pour out until I'm sobbing hysterically.

  "But that doesn't mean we can be together", I state between sobs. "I need to time to work on myself. I need get off the booze and start seeing my therapist again. I need to get my mental health back in check. I need...", My voice becomes more hoarse as I ramble. "I need you but I can't have you", I cry out.

Carter pulls me close against his body and silences me with another kiss. A breath catches in my throat and my rant comes to an abrupt stop.

He pulls back slightly.

His eyes racking over my puffy ones and down over the rest of my profile. Taking in every detail of my cut up face.

  "I know baby, but we still have tonight", he says before kissing me again.

  After our shower, Carter puts his clothes back on and then comes to help me dress into some comfy pyjamas.

  My skin burns hot like fire due to all the cuts and even the soft cotton of my pyjamas hurts my body.

  We pick a movie and get comfortable on the bed. I'm laying with my head on Carter's lap and he's gently stroking my hair. The movie we're watching is a corny romantic comedy but I'm loving every minute of it...

I could stay here for...

Carter leans down and puts his lips to my ear.

"I could stay here forever", he says quietly, as if he was reading my thoughts.

I turn my face to look up at him.

"Me too", I say before pressing my lips to his.