Life & Love of the Tormented

Seventy Five

I hold Carter's arm as we walk through the front door way. I notice Jarrod has made the wise decision not to come back to Mum's tonight and I'm so fucking glad. The anger I witnessed towards him from Carter earlier tonight scared me a little. Not because I think he'd hurt me, he wouldn't, ever, but I know for sure he'd fuck up Jarrod's face if he felt it was necessary... Especially right now...

I've never seen him like that. All he wants to do is fight someone. Jarrod obviously being his target this evening... He's so full of rage, even in the middle of his drunken goofy state. I guess pain and fear does that to a person... Even the most gentle people.

I'm trying to understand as best I can but until I'm ever in his position with my Mum, I can't understand completely. I'm terrified of when Carter's Mum actually passes... He's going to fall apart and I don't think anything could save him.

Not even me...

  We walk slowly down the hallway towards the room I've been staying in. Carter's arm is slung heavily over my shoulder and I try my best to hold him up right as we walk. I catch Ria poking her head out from her bedroom in the corner of my eye. I give her a look as if to say 'I'll talk to you later'. She smiles, steps back into her room and closes her door.

When we enter my bedroom, I walk Carter over to the bed. As we approach he turns to face me quickly, his body wavering slightly.

"Woah tiger", I say as he finds his feet.

The bed hits the back of Carter's knees and he falls, landing hard to sit on it .

  "I'm so fucking drunk", he says laughing.

  "I know you are", I laugh back, flashing a smile at him.

  "I'm drunk and you're so beautiful baby", he says, casting his eyes up to look at me.

  I laugh him off and crouch down next to him to take his shoes off. As I untie each Nike sneaker and pull them from his large feet, Carter reaches down and strokes my cheek. He cups my chin and lifts my head to look at him.

  "Yeah?", I ask softly, smiling up at him.

  "You really are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen", he says without slurring.

  "Thank you babe", I say before leaning in to kiss his palm.

  Once each foot is free, I stand to try lift his legs onto the bed properly, encouraging him to lie down.

"You'll never love me like that though will you?", he asks as he watches me, barely helping to lift his own heavy limbs. "You'll never love me like I love you."

  What the fuck? Where did this come from?

  Anger begins to creep up my spine. How could he say such a thing!? I don't love him? If I didn't fucking love him, I wouldn't be right here helping his drunk arse! I would have told him to fuck off!

  I slam my eyes shut tightly and count slowly to myself, trying to calm the screaming rage in my head before I speak.

  One, two, three, four...

  I know I shouldn't get angry at him right now. He's confused and hurting about his Mum and in the short few months I've known him, I've hurt him more than I'd like to admit...

  Five, six, seven...

  And he's absolutely blind drunk right now, I can't lose my cool...

  Eight, nine, ten.

  Inhale.

"Carter", I sigh out as I sit myself onto the bed next to him. "I really do fucking love you and to be honest I've never loved anyone... including myself... like this...", motioning my hands slowly back and forth between us. "But you...", I whisper as I place a hand gently on his cheek, "I don't think I could love anyone or anything in this whole world more than I love you"