Heartbeat

EPILOGUE

I'm sitting in front of Holden's grave, letting the cool wind blow through my hair to make up for the searing heat of the summer. I already placed a bouquet of sunflowers just under his name and smiled imagining Holden laughs at how bizarrely yellow they are. I find myself tracing the engraving of his name absentmindedly.

A burst of pride rushes through me as I talk to his grave, "Hi Holden, it's been 10 years since you passed. It's been a while since I've visited you, I've been really busy but I know you wouldn't hold it against me."

I brandish my simple wedding band in front of his tombstone and said, "I got married 5 years ago. I'm sorry if we didn't get to do that but honestly, it might've happened if you were still around. I am thankful though for the courage you gave me. I even wondered how I could even begin dating again. If you asked me 9 years ago, I'd tell you that I don't think I'll ever get back into dating. I mean, how could you ever get over such great love. How can you even try to love someone else when you think you've given your greatest love already to someone else?"

The wind blows again and it almost feels like Holden sweeping my hair behind my neck so I wouldn't sweat to death. I chuckle and continue to say, "I even contemplated getting a heart transplant then maybe I could be able to love someone else without feeling so guilty. Although I don't think there's any medical reason behind that. But I realized that I don't have to let go of the love that you gave me. I don't need to make it just my past because what you gave me has made me a better person. You taught me to be adventurous and hell, I still ride your motorbike to work. Despite my husband saying that I could always ride with him in his car."

"I'm trailing off, I'm sorry."

I continued, "You're probably wondering who the husband is in question. No, it's not my British ex Nathaniel. After that whole fiasco that happened between him and me back when we were interns, I realized that we were way better off as friends. Besides, he married Avery way before I got married so that's definitely forbidden territory."

"I actually ended up marrying my grumpy attending. Now, before you judge, it took a while before we got there," I humored, reminiscing about how it all began, "It was awkward at first because he convinced himself to not make a move on me because he branded me as fragile. He kept on giving me longing looks and I was getting frustrated with him walking on eggshells around me. This went on for like years even to the point that I became an attending because neither of us wanted to let our pride down and do something about it. But of course, I got frustrated and just snapped and loudly asked him on a date when he stared at me again during lunchtime."

"There were, of course, no repercussions because he wasn't my superior anymore. Everybody laughed at how I imploded and Damien turned a thousand shades red. He gently grabbed me by the wrist and led me outside the hospital just to kiss me," I was storytelling and the wind blew again as if Holden was nudging me. I sighed at myself. I never believed in ghosts because they couldn't be explained by science but I do believe that there are things that remind us of people that it seems like there are ghosts of what they once were. That was Holden.

I suddenly felt a real hand grasp my shoulder. I turned and saw Damien who was looking at me with his signature enigmatic look. I tilted my head in question and asked, "Is everything okay?'

"Well, I just received a text from Lucas saying that Kaelyn is gripping him so hard that he thinks he's going to lose his hand," he said in a deadpan voice. I almost forgot that even time can't change this man's sense of humor. I got up from the ground with his help and asked, "So that means I'm needed at the hospital, if you're here then who's taking care of the kids?"

"I dropped them off at Rosa's," he said, "Hayden and Poppy are perfectly behaved children so they'll be fine." I rolled my eyes and said," "That's because both our son and daughter take after you. And to think I'm the one who birthed them not you."