Forced to be with you

Forced 28

One thing is for sure, I am nervous right now. Kilala ko ang puso ko pagdating kay River. Unstable siya, madali siyang bumigay.

Yesterday, he left me no choice but to give in to his condition. So, here I am now, getting dress for tonight.

Actually, I didn't bring a lot of clothes since we will only be staying here until the end of holiday vacation. Kahapon lang niya ako inaya kaya hindi rin ako nakapamili.

So may balak ka?

In the end, I am wearing a denim skinny jeans and a ruffle sleeve floral top which is open at the back. Birthday gift sa akin ito ni Ricky. Sneakers lang ang dala kong pampaa kaya iyon na din ang sinuot ko. Hindi ko naman din narxpect na may ganitong ganapan.

"Mommy, you and daddy are going on a date right?" tanong ni Stream sa akin.

Ngumiti ako saka lumapit sa akin at hinalikan siya sa noo.

"Yes, kaya behave ka muna ngayon with lolo and lola ah" suyo ko..

"Okay po. I will ask lola nalang for my milk later" sabi niya.

"Very good" puri ko sabay halik ulit sa noo niya.

Pababa palang kami ni Stream ng hagdan ay nakita ko na agad si River. He is talking to my parents in the living room. Wala si kuya ngayon.

"Daddy!" tiling malakas ni Stream at sabay patakbong lumapit sa daddy niya pagkababa namin.

Lahat sila lumingon sa amin. Napalunok pa ako ng dalawang beses nang dumapo ang mata ni River sa akin at biglang ngumiti pa.

Hindi na naman magkahumayaw ng puso ko sa pagngiti nya. Parang nakaprogram na ito na ganito ang magiging response niya.

After several moments of talking to my parents, River and I excuse ourselves to get going. Pinukulaan pa ako ng makahulugang tingin ni mommy bago kami lumabas ng bahay.

I said good night to Stream because she might be sleeping when I will be home. Ganun din si River.

Ang bilis kong napabaling sa kaniya nang mamataan kung nasaan kami ngayon. Kung saan nya ako dinala ngayon.

Hindi ba ako namamalikmata lang o nanaginip?

why would he came back to the place that reminded him of the thing he loathe me about. What is his reason for bringing me here. Do he wanted to emphasize how selfish I am before to him?

He didn't talk, he unbuckle his seatbelt to ready himself go out. I did the same too. Una siyang nagtanggal ng seatbelt pero nauna akong lumabas ng kotse.

The exterior of the church is still magnificent like how I was first captured my eyes. I have bitter sweet memories in here. Too bad, my most favorite holy place is also my most painful place.

Upon remiscing the old spirit of enthusiasm for this place, a hand snake in to mine and immediately entertwined our hands.

I raised my gaze to him and he smiles. A smile that I never saw or would never have been thought to see from him. It made the flock of butterflies in my stomach go wild.

Hinila niya ako papasok. No one is inside but us. The altar is christmasly decorated and it was the only well lit besides the other part of this church.

Naglalakad sa kami sa mahabang pasilyo ng simbahang ito. Bitter memories of the past triggerred in.

It was me in the center aisle. Wearing the most beautiful gown that a woman who wished to worn in his most special day. But instead of pure happiness, it was a mixture of selfishness and greediness. Standing still, just looking at man beside his father waiting for me. Was he really?

His eyes is bloodshot. Piercing me through his dagger sharp stares. I am having a hard time whether I will runaway or stay. I chose to stay. I chose to receive his savage stares because it was the only way to save him. To save the man I love. It is do or die.

It all came back to me how forced the love I shouldn't have done in the first place but if I didn't, I have no Stream to hold, hug, and kiss. She is the best thing I ever receive out of my selfishness. Selfish for pushing too hard my love to the person who wants nothing to me. Who wish this shouldn't been happened.

"You probably wondering why I brought you here instead to a fine dining restaurant" he suddenly speak out of our silence.

Marahan ulit akong napatingala sa kaniya. Mapungay siyang nakatingin lang sakin waring may pinapabatid sa akin ang kaniyang mga tingin. Hinahangod niya ang puso ko sa paraang makipagsimpatya na rin ako.

"I admit that I was angry that time because it hurt me a lot for being forced for a lifelong commitment. That was not the dream I aspire for the both of us"

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. What is he saying? Naguluhan ako bigla ako sa mga salitang ginamit niya.

"I realized, I was not angry at you but I was angry to myself. How could I do that to you? all you did was to protect me and save me. I wanted to protect you but I failed to that part. I promise to you that I won't hurt you like your bullies did to you and again, I failed." his eyes glistening and even stummered a little but manage to stay on point in the end.

I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. I let it stream down like a running waters. How could I forget that? I even mentally question him because of that promise.

He raises his hand and brush his thumb on my face to wipe the liquid wetting my cheeks. I close my eyes to feel his warmth on my skin then open it as soon as he is finished.

Nagsalubong ang kapwa naming basang mga mata. This is the first seeing him cry. Crying for me to be specific. Instead of victoriously jumpping for an achievement, it peirce my heart seeing him like this.

We are both victims of unfortunately past and until now it haunts us, the reason why we are tormenting ourselves by blaming our own selves nor disorienting us to not forgive ourselves too.

Ang kaninang nag-iisa lang ang nakahawak sa kamay ko ngayon dalawa na. Magkaharapan na kami ng maayos ngayon sa isa't-isa. Rinig na rinig ang hininga ng bawat isa. Our close distance doesn't suffocate us at all. It made us closer to the road of forgiving each other's shortcomings.

"Let this chance... right in front of him (GoD) that I am now devoting my life not to hurt you again. I will let my shortcomings be the lesson I will engrave to my soul that I will never go back to man I was before. The man who did nothing but to hurt the woman he truly loves. The coward man who chose to grow his angry instead of love" he ended.

I immediately shook my head at him.

"I don't want you change because if you love someone you will accept everything for who he or she is. It's clichè to hear but it is a fact. It is a stone that will snap you for you to wake up that everything needs to consider and accept in order to work out. It takes two to tango that is why your shortcomings are also mine to bear not yours only" I firmly said to tell him that in this kind of relationship it takes two to work out. It takes two to solve the puzzle. It takes two to fill the shortcomings.

After I am done speaking, he envelopes me with a tight hug. I can feel his love this time. Maybe it was the closer we need for us to close the first book of our lives. I wrap my arms around his waist too. This time, the nervousness I felt earlier turns into a lightweight load of emotions.

I am happy that receive our last straw of resentment inside this place. It makes more sacred for the both of us.

This time I am not going to call myself fool for accepting him again in my life because I never considered him as my worst. He is the test the lord gave me to stregthen my hold to myself. To empower me to be better woman. I am not saying that I am that strong-strong but what I could affirm is that I have my faith and love to myself now that I forgot to give to myself before.

Remember this, they might be the center of your universe but don't you ever forget that you are still the universe. You are the protagonist of your own story. The one and only.

-VanillaChoco❤️
Merry Christmas Everyone! 🎄🎅🧑‍🎄