Forced to be with you

Forced 32

I don't know what to feel about the invitation Molly gave me when we coincidently bumped into each other yesterday.

"I am happy to see you again, Cley and sorry for what happened in the past" hingi niya ng tawad.

She still the beautiful Molly I have known before. The woman River fell in love with. If, we are still in the past, I would instantly feel insecure how River saw something in here that I haven't. But, now that I have Stream in my life, it changes my perspectives. What matters to me right now is what my daughter would look at me. I am sure that I am the most beautiful woman in my daughter's eyes and that was enough to melt all insecurities I have to other people, especilally to the woman her father love the most aside from his sister and mother.

"You don't owe me an apology. Wala kang kasalanan sa akin. Hindi dapat sa akin kundi sa kaniya" I said pertaining to River. "He loves you and you take it for granted. I don't know your reason why you did that but at least before he died, you acknowledge your mistake to him, he deserves it more than anything" I emphasized.

Nagkasagutan at nagkasakitan man kami sa mga salitang binitawan namin noon at dahil lamang sa bugso ng galit namin kaya wala siyang kasalanan sa akin.

"No I did, Cley, believe me. I did a lot things I regretted and you were right. I took for granted River's love for me and did you know why I cheated?" she intriguingly looking at me. "Because I found the love I deserve from Froid not from River. Tragic right?" gumilid siya at nagpunas ng pisngi as she sarcatically scoff at her own statement.

My forehead creased with what she said. Anong pinagsasabi niya? I saw it with my two eyes na hindi minsan nagkulang si River sa pagmamahal niya sa kaniya.

"Don't distort the truth Mols. Hindi siya nagkulang sa pagmamahal niya sayo!" medyo napataas yung boses ko at di ko narin naiwasang mag-init ang gilid ng mata dahil sa sinabi niya.

Ayaw ko lang isumbat sa kaniya ang mga pinagdaanan kong pagbabalewala ni River sa akin dahil nasira ko ang relasyon nila. I still remember River muttered her name after we had sex.

Ako ang kaisiping pero hindi ako ramdam.

Ako ang kahalikan, pero ibang labi ang nasa isip.

Ako ang kaharap pero iba ang hanap. So, tell me, nagkulang ba siya doon?

"I am not justifying my mistakes, Cley. That was what you all thought about na mahal na mahal ako ni River but sorry to burst your bubble but he wasn't. Oo mahal niya ako pero hindi buo. He is all my first so don't you think I didn't love him too? I did Cley, sobra!" Her voice broke due to her sudden outburst. She swallowed hard, calming herself.

"You know what is more funny? he is thinking of you while we are having intimate Cley, so you think he really loves me?" madiing hinanakit niya.

Nanlaki ang mata ko sa gulat. P-paano? he did the same thing when we did it too. Hindi ako makapaniwala at higit sa lahat hindi ko maprosesos ng maayos ang mga narinig mula sa kaniya.

"Ikaw lagi laman ng usapan namin, Cley. Akala ko nung una it was just sisterly adoration but it goes as our main topic everyday. Ginawa kana naming ulam araw-araw. He would always tell me "Si Cley alam ganito, ganyan" hangos niya, halos umusok ang ilong nya sa pagdaramdam.

Hanggang ngayon, naguguluhan ako dahil sa tuwing magkakasama kami wala siyang ibang ginawa kundi ipamukha sakin ang pagkawalang halaga ko sa kaniya.

"Le-Let's stop this, Molly. Magkakasakitan lang tayo. It was all in the past and River is gone now. Let him rest" marahang wika ko.

Sabay pa kaming napabuntong hininga. Who we are today is because of what we have done in the past. We learned from our mistakes and I think we need to move on now with our lives. Pagbalik-baliktarin ko man ang mundo, hindi ko na mababalik ang buhay na nawala.