Love Me Again [ OffGun ]✔

CHAPTER - 20

GUN👶

Earlier...

I felt suffocated here, I didn’t know how to keep up with what they were talking about. The only thing I could do was try to smile even though I didn't understand what they were talking about. But I was happy to see Off eat the food I prepared for him.

After we ate I stayed here in the kitchen to bake cookies for Nova. I thought they had all left but no, Aom and Nova stayed because they wanted to help me. While we were baking Nova fell asleep while sitting at the table.

When Aom and I were just waiting for the cookies to be cooked in the oven, she suddenly asked me that I didn't expect.

"Is it okay with you that you're really just a brother?"

I swallowed my saliva and looked in the oven. "Y-yes?" I'm not sure of my answer.

She tapped me on the shoulder. "I know you still love him, the way you look at Off is still the same as before. I don't know what your other reasons are but I hope you clarify that before your mother's wedding day arrives."

What do I really want?

Yes, I still love him but I don't know how he feels about me. He was always mad at me and he really hated me.

"Can you not let Off know?"I looked at her and she nodded at me. "I don't want him to know about this, he might hate me even more when he finds out."

"Of course, don't worry you can trust me."

I smiled at her and so did she. We still talk a lot about how she raised Nova, how Off helped her during times she had nowhere to go.

I learned a lot of things about Off. Thanks to Aom, if it wasn't for her, I won't know that.

Where Off will be happy I will let him. I will support him even if it breaks my heart.

'I LOVE HIM'

But he is no longer mine.

When the cookies were cooked, Aom left the kitchen first. After I put the cookies on the plate I went to the living room to rest but I can hear Off and Aom talking. I stopped walking so I could listen to how seriously they were talking, so I knew if it was okay for me to come in or I had to leave.

"Off, I know you. Don't lie to me. I just look at you, I can read you like an open book. I've been your best friend since we were kids so I've known you very well."

What are they talking about?

I was about to enter when Off suddenly spoke.

"What do you mean? I'm lying?!" 

From the tone of Off's words, I knew that Off was hostile.

What are they arguing about?

"You can't believe I don't love him, I've moved on with him? I just feel resentment and anger towards him every time I see his face and then you can't believe I don't love him anymore?"

It was as if acid had poured into my heart. Tears suddenly dripped down my cheeks, I felt numb. I wanted to scream but no sound came out. My tears just kept flowing.

Why so much pain?

It's a strange pain I feel now, it's more painful than before.

Why would I stay in this house if there is no hope that he will love me again? I agreed to stay here because I thought there was still a chance. But I was wrong, I make him even more miserable.

Lord, did I ask for too much?

Yes, I will admit that as long as I stayed here, my decisions were different. Sometimes I want him to love me again, sometimes I want him to forgive me and sometimes I don’t know what I really want.

"I'm sorry...." I murmured.

I turned around and went to my room. I don’t want them to know that I hear what they are talking about.

When I got to my room I took out all the clothes in the closet and put them in my luggage. I am leaving here tomorrow there is no reason for me to stay here any longer. I'll just talk to my mother about it, I know she'll understand me.

After I packed up I already felt tired. Maybe it's because I'm crying while packing or  I want to rest first because I can't handle the pain I'm feeling now.

I lay down on my bed. I closed my eyes as I hugged my pillow and burst into tears. My room was quiet only my sobs echoed.

I remember the times we were still happy together, the times when every time he looks at me I can only see love and adoration unlike now that I almost don't want to look him in the eyes because all I can see is grudge and hatred.

If I hadn’t been carried away with how I used to feel we wouldn’t be like this today.

***

"Gun?.."

*Knock

"Gun, are you there?"

*Knock

I woke up to their excessive noise. I know those voices.

I fell asleep while crying earlier. "Fuck!" My head hurts .

"Maybe he's not here."

"Maybe he went somewhere"

"I looked at the cctv but I didn't see him leave the house"

seriously they are very noisy. I got up from my bed and went to the door to open them.

I still can't forget what happened earlier but I have to stop crying especially now that I have guests. I took a deep breath before I opened the door.

"Holy crap!" Namtan shouted.

All my old friends are here when I was in high school. I miss them. I approached them to hug  and that's how I couldn't stop my tears from flowing.

"What happened to you Gun?" Jane asked.

After a long hug I looked at them as they frowned. They were all obviously wondering and I didn’t know what that was.

"Why are your eyes swollen?"

"And why is your nose red like a tomato?"

New and Mild asked me. I lied to them, all I said was that I miss my mother but the truth is I cried because I was hurt by what Off said this morning. But, I can't tell them that because I know they are close friends of Off.

I asked them why they were visiting so suddenly but their only answer was that they wanted to surprise me.

***
N/A: Happy new year everyone! 🎉🎆