Love Me Again [ OffGun ]✔

CHAPTER - 21

GUN👶

As I get older, I come to understand more that you are the only one who sympathizes with the bitterness and hardship you are going through.

All the people close to me, I can no longer reach them. I hug myself when it comes to the corner of the darkness of my life.

I grew up without my real parents. I was raised by people who kept secrets from me. I used to have friends at school but all of them now I don't know if they are real or not. I was loved but I wasted that love. I had a chance to meet my parents but He also took it early from me.

Sometimes I would just ask, what was my sin to be punished like this.

I want to be happy, but how? If all my happiness were far from me. I can't reach them.

Just like now, I drank with them but I don't seem to belong in this place. Every laugh they had was painful to my ears. I wanted to tell them I was hurting but I didn’t know how. To me, it seemed like I had no right to tell them because I hurt them in the first place so I just smiled even though my heart was aching.

I am now with my former friends and Off’s friends Tay and Arm. Off was sitting in front of me, as if I was about to melt in shame at his stares. I couldn’t lift my head to look at him so all I did was drank as much alcohol as I could.

"Do you still remember that you were always bickering at school? Ha ha ha! I really don't think you'll be in a relationship." Mild points at New and Tay. She almost fell, she was so drunk but she still spoke well.

Many things happened to my friends when I was not here and I am sad because I did not witness everything that happened in their lives for ten years.

I've drunk a lot of alcohol but I'm still not drunk. I didn’t let them know I was leaving here tomorrow, I didn’t want to bother them anymore.

It’s hard to get along with them especially when you know they used to hate you. The cold breeze caressed my skin. It's late but they still have no plans to stop drinking. I was drowsy so I drank their last cheers to me.

"I'm sorry if I can't be with you for long , I'm already drowsy and I have an early work tomorrow so I'll go to bed first." They just silently stared at me. I pulled back my chair and stood up.

"Are you always like this?! You're like a rat scared of cats, you always avoid us like we're other people you don't know! What happened to you?!" Jane yelled at me.

They all gasped.

I silently looked at them one by one and just smiled., I turned around to leave this place. It doesn't matter if I talk more, there are many of them and I am the only one. Suddenly someone grabbed my arm tightly, I turned around. Jane glared at me as she tightened her grip even more.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and told myself not to get angry because I knew she was just drunk so she was like this.

"Won't you speak?! Speak up! We're waiting for your answer!"

"Jane, that's enough!" New shouted at Jane.

She raised an eyebrow at New. "Why?! Isn't what I said true? He's like a rat that always hides in a cave to avoids problems!" Jane said angrily.

"That's enough, don't fight because of me." I said softly and slowly removed Jane's hand from my arm.

Jane's eyes widened. "Are you serious?! I thought you used to be a coward but I haven't updated that until now you're still a coward!" She removed her grip and she smirked at me.

My vision darkened with rage and I slapped her in the face hard. They were all shocked at what I did.

"You have no right to speak to me like that if you don't know the truth!"

Off angrily stood up and he approached me. I bravely stood in front of him.

"You're too much Gun! Jane is right so you shouldn't have slapped her"

I smiled at him as my tears slowly flowed down my cheeks. Damn! It hurts when the person you love defends other people from you. It was as if I had become a villain in their own story.

I nodded at him. "You're right. I will admit I was wrong then. But, did you also think about what happened to me in ten years? "

I can't control myself anymore. I'm tired of always apologizing to them, I'm tired of accepting what they always blame me for and I'm tired of stepping on myself just so they can accept me. As time goes on they will get farther and farther away from me.

"Have you ever wondered if someone stayed by my side to comfort me?"

I don't care if I'm crying in front of them now.

They just keep quiet.

I looked Off in his eyes. "Be thankful because you had friends and family by your side at those times." I pointed at them while not avoiding his gaze. "Me? No one was there when I was hurt, when my mother died. While I was mourning the death of my real mother, I was in the hospital watching over my mom because she was sick at that time. And the most painful thing there is, I don’t know what mom’s illness is, she doesn’t tell me. She was afraid that I might not be able to cope with my excessive problems. I managed the company while studying and looking after mom. I cry every night because I miss you guys, specially you!" Ipointed my finger at his chest.

I burst into tears and he suddenly pulled me to hug but I pushed him away. I looked into his eyes. Pity, remorse and pain I can see in Off’s eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you went through anything like that. Forgive me if I've been selfish, I always put myself first when I don't even think about how you feel."