The 80/20 Rule // knj [COMPLETED]

15 • Snowflake

🎭 Namjoon 🎭

"You would be correct, and I did learn a lot. It's a shame it was all in hindsight."

Trying and failing to contain the emotions I am feeling from showing on my face, I add, "Why didn't you talk to me back then about what was going on?"

Theda scoffs with an eyeroll. "I still don't see how you were so smart and so stupid at the same time. Anyone who would've seen me the way you did would've known automatically that I was slipping further and further into depression."

"And that I was the root cause."

"You.." She pauses and twists her lips. I know she is trying to tell me that I was at fault without admitting I am correct in my assumption.

"I know I am to blame."

"It was a multitude of circumstances hitting me all at the same time that I was too young to comprehend completely and so I had to step back for a while."

"You shut down. You stopped caring about anything including us. I thought you didn't want to be with me anymore and that was how you chose to push me away."

Theda looks off into the crowd. "Of course, you would make it about you."

"Yes, the Namjoon I was thought you wanted me gone. I never considered it could be anything other than you had tired of our arrangement and you were ready to be single again."

"Talking about an overwhelming sense of sadness to a man who wasn't willing to listen and understand was not a feat I felt up to. Hell, I didn't even want to wash my own ass much less talk to anyone at all."

"I remember bathing you on more than one occasion, sweetheart," I respond gently as I push up my sweater sleeves. This topic is difficult to talk to Theda about without wishing I could turn back time and change my actions.

"I'm surprised you didn't try to have sex with me any of those times either."

"Not to sound shallow but you lost a noticeable amount of weight. Your body didn't look the same way naked as it did before everything happened. I thought that you wanted me to become less attracted to you so you stopped eating and quit taking care of yourself."

Theda makes a 'tsk' sound with her mouth. "I can't believe you were so self-centered. Was there anything involving me and my actions that you didn't take as retaliation against you?"

"As I explained before, I have grown and learned a lot over the years. Understanding where I was in the wrong when it came to our relationship is one of the major points of growth I have yet to explore in depth as I can only receive answers from you."

"Yeah, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist.."

"I know that now, and for what it's worth, I am glad you and I came to this reunion tonight. If our conversation veers toward an uncomfortable situation and we never exchange another word going forward I would like for you to know.."

..I stare deep into her eyes with every ounce of regret I have internalized since the day she left..

"..I am so very sorry for all of the mental and emotional distress I caused you back then. I wish I could have been the type of man that was able to see how his young bride was hurting and that your well-being was sacrificed by my growth."

Though my apology is indeed from the head and the heart, Theda glares at me like I am full of shit.

"Your 'growth' was always so important to you, but let me tell you something, Namjoon. 'Growing' should have been in the pile with the least of your worries. You had no problem rising to the occasion. That's what made you community dick."