Losing It ~ TeenWolf

Part 64

Charlotte

An hour or so later, we were all sat on the sofas watching tv, Liam lay in Theo's arms, Stiles on the L shaped sofa and I was on the other one.

I held a bottle of coke between my hands only having taken a sip from it.

Some older movie was playing on the screen, non of us really wanted to watch it but it was on and no one protested or asked to turn it off.

Liam turned his head to face me but I pretended I didn't notice.

"Hey, Charlie, have you talked to that physician yet?" He asked and I knew he knew I hadn't.

I looked over briefly at him and shook my head slightly.

"Why not? You know you need to." He said, sitting up, making himself seemed more serious.

"I just... haven't gotten round to it." I said quietly.

"When will you get round to it? Tomorrow? Next week? Ever?" His voice sounded sterner, maybe even angry.

"I don't know." I said quietly not taking my eyes off the screen.

"You won't even look at me! I'm trying to help you and you're not doing anything to help yourself to get better." He said, his voice getting louder with every word.

"I don't know if you remember this but my beta literally just died." I said, my voice filled with sarcasm.

"I know and you know how sorry I am about that but you have to realise that dad died too, you-" he started but I cut him off.

"Don't talk about him!" It was my turn to be angry.

"He's dead! You don't care at all?"

"No and I'm glad he's dead, he means nothing to be and neither does mum." I said bitterly and he clenched his jaw at that.

"What about me? You clearly don't care about me either." He said and I could see what he was doing, trying to manipulate me.

"That's not true and you know it, I'm not going to see that doctor and that's that." I said, my words were final and strict.

He stands up and walks out of the room, he stops at the doorway in the kitchen. "All I've ever done is try to help you and you just throw it back in my face, I don't k is why I bother." He said, grabbing his coat from the coat rack and walking out the door, Theo stands up and follows him outside.

Stiles stands up and comes over to me, sitting down on the sofa next to me, placing his arm around my shoulders but I don't fight it. I let his arm linger there.

What Liam had said didn't affect me either, I kind of just felt numb. Everything blurred togethor, I didn't have any individual feelings, they were all just there, non of them more prominent than each other.

"Come on." I said quietly, standing up and stretching out my arms a little.

Stiles stands up and I walk to the door with him following me. We walk up the stairs and into my room. Stiles goes over and sits on the bed but I stand opposite him.

I ran my hands through my hair, I was so stressed I felt like I was ageing a year a minute.

I breathe out a long breath.

"Are you ok?" Stiles asked and I couldn't help but laugh. I wasn't necessarily angry at him, I was just annoyed at everything that was going on.

I hadn't mourned over Sean at all, in my mind, he was dead to me a long time ago so there wasn't really anything to mourn.

"No.. I don't know." I sighed and he stood up and walked over to me, pulled me by my shoulders into his body, he hugged his arms around my back and I did the same. I didn't need his touch or his affection but I didn't want to deny him like I had been doing over the last few days.

He pulled away and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. 

"I don't want to be here anymore." I whispered and a tear fell down my cheek.

Every part of my body ached with mourning, I couldn't handle it anymore. I wanted so badly to be back in one of those hospital beds again, with doctors fanning around me trying to keep me alive, I wanted them to have failed, I wanted to be dead and buried already, all of the pain would be gone, I wouldn't have destroyed my relationship with my mother or Liam, Amy wouldn't be dead, everything would be so easy and simple.

"I know that it's hard but it will get better, maybe not now, but eventually you will feel better." He said and I scoffed, I pulled away from his hands and walked away from him, across the room.

"You don't know. You don't get it." I said as I wiped the tear from off my cheek.

"I do know. I know what it feels like to have the person you love, the person your closest with ripped away from you without warning." He said and I knew he was referring to his mother and normally I'd sympathise and tell him how sorry I was for being a prick but my mouth had other ideas.

"You had warnings." I spat and even in my mindless state, I knew I went too far.

I saw him tearing up.

"Can you go?" I asked, another tear fell down my cheek.

"No. I'm not leaving you now, I don't care what you say." He said sternly.

"I want to be alone." I said with a raised voice.

"No, I don't trust you to be alone."

"Well, it doesn't matter what happens anyway." I said through gritted teeth.

"Why is that?" I could tell he was getting angry, his expression had become hard and hollow.

"Because no one fucking loves me! Not my mother, not even Liam!" I yelled, I had spent the last week lay in my bed, suppressing and everything was coming up at once and I was angry.

"I love you!" He yelled back. It wasn't really a surprise, I already knew anyway but I knew how much it must have hurt him to have to first time either us had said it to be during an argument. 

"Yeah, well sometimes that just isn't enough." My voice was quieter but I knew he heard me, I didn't even mean to say it, I didn't even mean it anyway.

He stared at me and I knew that it was the end of our conversation, he wouldn't say anything and I definitely wasn't.

I didn't want to tell him to leave so I stormed out of the door and down the stairs. As I did, Liam and Theo walked through the front door as I walked into the kitchen, I grabbed my bag off the coat rack as I did. I opened the fridge and just stuffed some food into the badger and then I slammed it onto the island.

"What are you doing?" Liam asked.

"I'm leaving."