Losing It ~ TeenWolf

Part 66

Charlotte

Something about the way she spoke calmed me down, she said all of the rights things to make sure I didn't get angry or sad, I felt like I was on my medication again, I didn't feel manic in any way, she was a saint.

"So you're going to give me a diagnosis today?" I ask and it seems impossible, my last doctor took weeks to diagnose me and she did that wrong.

"Realistically yes, I could." She said.

"But how?"

"Your mother gave me lots of your files from previous doctor trips and plus, being a banshee helps a lot." She offered me a soft smile and it was the first time I had actually seen her smile, it was quite nice.

"Ok." I sighed, giving up, there was no way out of this, no matter what.

"I'm going to go through some symptoms and you will agree or disagree, you can't lie though, I would be able to tell." A small smirk played at her lips. I nodded. "You go through stages of mania and/or depression when off your medication?"

"Sometimes even when I'm still on my meds."

"That can happen especially if you weren't taking the correct medication. You go through stages where you are constantly tired and/or fatigued."

I nodded apprehensively, I still didn't want it to be true.

I wanted her to say a mistake has been made and I could go back to normal.

"You go through particularly agitated stages where everything and anything can irritate you?"

I nodded.

"You talk very quickly and constantly ramble through your sentences?"

I nodded closing my eyes and sighing. I couldn't handle it, all I could think was Sean, Sean, Sean and I wanted to throw up.

"Easily distracted?"

I nodded.

This went on for a few more minutes and by the end of it she had me nailed down completely.

"Ok, I really do think you have bipolar disorder, I know that it is a hard thing to hear but it can be managed if you do everything you need to. Take your pills correctly, stay motivated and keep on top of things, don't let yourself get too overwhelmed. I'm going to prescribe you Lithuim and Valproic acidc both of these will help your episodes and keep you calmer, they are basically mood stabilisers and you are to take these twice a day." She said and I could've collapsed if I wasn't already sitting down.

I knew that it was a possibility but having medications specifically prescribed for an illness that you've just been diagnosed with is very overwhelming.

"You are to pick these up tomorrow from the clinic and I will give you my signature and I will let them know first thing. For the next few weeks I suggest for you to keep it easy, nothing huge just to let your medications settle in, I would like to hear from you once a week at least, Liam has my number and if necessary I will have Liam to call me and tell me what's going on." She said grabbing her clip board and her bag before she made her way out of the door.

I didn't move from the sofa, I couldn't.

"Liam? I'm leaving." She called up the stairs, I heard his footsteps rushing down the stairs until he stopped and she told him pretty much everything she told me, about my medications, about the phone calls and the clinic.

When she left, Liam came over and sat on the sofa next to me before I broke down.

Tears streamed down my face and sobs broke from my chest, you know that feeling you get when you cry too hard? The feeling that hurts your entire body, the headache, the stomach knot? That was burning all over my body, that feeling hurt me to my very core and Liam wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into the side of his body.

He just let me cry and it felt so good to just cry all of my feelings out.

"Do you see him? When you look...& at me, do you see... see dad?" I asked through sobs.

"No, Charlie, of course I don't. I see you, my sister who I love so much." He whispered.

I couldn't help but cry again and again.

—

The next day, I wake up on the sofa in the living room, everything was too bright and the sun hurt my eyes.

I heard the sizzling of a pan and the smell of eggs and I wanted to puke. I felt so nauseous for no reason.

I stood up and ran to the bathroom, I leaned over the toilet with my hands gripped firmly on the sides. My body tried to force my to pike but I didn't have anything in my system to force out so it ended up just being a painful string of gag until I stood up and looked in the mirror.

My hair was a giant knot and the bags under my eyes had cleared up slightly but my body was still so thin and fragile, I decided then and there that I would force myself to eat and even take my pills, I mean, I may as well considering I have two more to take along with it.

I walked back into the kitchen to see my mother cooking.

"Does my cooking disgust you that much?" She asked, odd humour rang out in her voice and I didn't like it.

I look down at my body and almost cry out a gasp. "Am I pregnant?!" I asked completely shocked.

My mothers splutters out a laugh. "Ha! No. You haven't eaten properly in weeks, you need some food."

I basically ignored her and continued to be shocked. "I haven't gotten my period." I stated.

"Like I said, you haven't eaten, you need food in order for your body to function properly." She said and I went and sat down at the island.

"And you're suddenly here to what? Play super mum and act as if my entire life just didn't happen?" I ask sarcastically.

My eyes are suddenly draw to something on the counter next to the sink, two orange bottles of pills. My stomach sank. I stood up and walk over to grab them, I sit back down and inspect them.

"I know I haven't been great but I want to try now." She said without looking at me.

The thing is, I didn't want her to try, it was too late, the damage had already been down and I wasn't prepared to forgive her, not after everything she's down to me.

"Bullshit." I say grabbing the two bottles and walking up stairs into my bedroom.

I walked upstairs and into the bathroom, I place the pills on the counter and pull open one of my draws, grabbing the other bottle of pills, the one to help me gain weight and at that point I really did think that I needed it.

I filled up a bottle of water and drank all three of the pills with one gulp. I didn't bother taking my birth control, I didn't have my period and I wasn't planning anything any time soon so I decided not to bother.

I went over to my bed and picked up my phone for the first time in a week and called the only person I wanted to speak to.