I am, again, sitting alone in my apartment room, the same way I have done so many times over the past few months. The evening light shining into my room almost makes it look like the sun is coming up rather than going down. It feels fitting, since it seems like the times have been fading into each other lately, and for a moment, I question if it is actually morning, so I reach for my phone from the nightstand, confirming that it's 7:30 PM.
It's my free day and this should be exciting. Free days used to be something I looked forward to so desperately because I could do so many things, but honestly, I'm not looking forward to anything right now. Ever since the pandemic started, life has felt rather empty. My days used to consist of work, fun, friends, and downtime, but now it's only work and downtime. I can't spend time with my family in Japan, I can't go out for activities. I literally can't do anything but kinda just lie here in my bed.
Luckily, I have the girls by my side and we do movie nights and such every few days, just trying to fight through the ups and downs of life together. And considering how our friendships and the relationship of Dahyun and I have been growing bigger day by day, I still find myself feeling like something is missing. I just can't exactly put my finger on the lost.
As I'm spread out in bed, contemplating on what to do, my phone vibrates in my hand. Still lying down, I unlock it and open the message. It's from Dahyun.
"Honey, I don't know if this is weird or not, but can we just talk for a bit?"
"Of course we can. About what?" I reply.
"I don't know. Today feels empty, so I want to talk to someone."
At least I'm not the only one feeling lonely today, right? I ask her if she wants to text or come over, but before she replies to my message, I hear a knock on the door. I leave my bed and go to unlock the door for who I assume is Dahyun.
She greets me with a kiss. I close the door and we go back to the bed together. I get on first and pat the space between my legs, signaling Dahyun to sit there. She sits down in silence before letting out a small sigh. I wrap my arms around her and give her a kiss on her head, causing her to lean her back against me, almost burying herself into me.
It's strange. I'm still in my room in the exact same way I was only a minute ago, but now I'm together with someone, someone I love. It feels slightly less pathetic now, sitting here in silence together, doing nothing, watching the sun get less and less bright. I eventually have to lean over towards my nightstand and turn on the lamp. The ceiling gets filled with a galaxy when I switch it on. It's an LED lamp that Sana gave me on my birthday, thinking that it suits me, which I'm grateful for.
I don't know for how long exactly I've been sitting here, playing with Dahyun's hair, stroking her face, but after a while, I remember that she came here to talk, and that's not what we've been doing.
"So, what do you wanna say?" I ask.
"Hm?"
Dahyun is zoned out, busy staring at the lights on the ceiling and enjoying my embrace, but I don't mind, because I enjoy having her in my arms too.
"Oh, not a lot, like I said. I've just been feeling weird," she says with an upset voice.
"In what sense?"
"Actually, now that I think about it, I haven't been able to feel anything at all. I don't mean to sound dramatic, but it seems like all the excitement has kind of been... taken from life? So I came here to at least do something."
