The pondering Dahyun does every night is torturing and long. Wanting to express her love is so hard and frustrating and it makes her feel so incredibly weak. She is sitting at the table in the kitchen, staring at the wall, her left leg bouncing up and down as she falls deep in thought.
Dahyun never really knew how to show physical affection. There was never a specific reason behind it, though. Even back when she was only a child, she would cringe at herself whenever her friends or family hugged her. That didn't change during her teenage years either. She always just awkwardly stood there, frozen in place whenever someone embraced her. It was all she could do.
But then, Momo came along. Simple arm touches, protective stances, and strong hugs awakened the crave to be touched from Dahyun. All she had known before was to stand still and hope for the hug to end, but Momo changed that.
So, Dahyun tried to be affectionate in a way that would provide her with similar actions, tried to ask without using her words, always too embarrassed once the question rose on her tongue. It worked for a while. Dahyun would get the small touches from Momo that she wanted and needed.
But now, it has started being not enough for Dahyun. She just wants more, like a bone-deep type of physical contact. However, she doesn't want that from just anyone. No, she only wants it from Momo. Lately, she has even been finding herself daydreaming about Momo holding her, intertwining their hands, caressing her hair. That's all she has ever wanted.
Eventually, Momo ended up noticing. How could she not? But Momo has never pushed Dahyun to talk about her needs because, well, because Momo figured it out on her own.
Momo simply observes and follows. On bad days where Dahyun is tired and sore from practice, Momo urges Dahyun over, pulls the girl's hands into her own and rubs featherlight circles onto them. Momo does that until she sees Dahyun in a more relaxed state. Then she goes farther, working the swollen muscles in Dahyun's shoulders, and every time, Dahyun shuts her eyes and enjoys the pleasant touch.
On some of those bad days, Dahyun hates touch. A single touch is just too much, the gentle line between soothing and cringing at herself gets crossed for the worse and she can't do much about it. She doesn't fight against it, though, because she doesn't have to. Momo always understands her and leaves enough space between them. Momo offers comfort through her words, not her actions. She knows. She understands and that's why Dahyun adores her.
On good days, Dahyun wants affection. She just doesn't know how to ask for it, often settling for silence and quiet hopes that Momo will casually touch her. Often, the need rises and she ends up pulling stupid tricks just to feel Momo's touch for even a second. Some days, it is absolutely unbearable.
Momo knows, but she never really takes into consideration how much Dahyun loves her attention. She always takes Dahyun's habits as just a form of comfort and satisfaction. She doesn't dare to associate it as being romantic. She never did and never will. She loves their friendship too much for it to be changed by romantic feelings.
Momo quietly comes to the table and sits down, not saying a single word. She is tired and worn out from practice, so she just wants to be around Dahyun to feel some type of comfort herself. The shaking in Dahyun's leg stops when Momo's leg gently brushes against hers.
Eventually, Dahyun turns back around and gives Momo a quick glance. It's the quickest glance ever, but Momo still manages to catch it and return it with a smile. So, Dahyun looks at her again, expression blank and consistent. It's not like she is bothered by Momo. In fact, she is so mind-blown about how beautiful and caring Momo is. Thinking back to all the times Momo has supported and taken care of her, Dahyun doesn't blame herself for wanting to have a deeper bond with the girl.
