"I'm not going to keep up with this," Momo sighs, running her hands through her hair to fix her bangs.
Dahyun just blinks. It's a habit of hers to blink more than needed whenever she doesn't know what to say. She stays silent. Momo doesn't seem to mind, eyes and ears fixed on the bustling city below them, lost behind a fog of emotions and thoughts. They often go up to the rooftop whenever Dahyun's apartment gets too hot. No one ever goes up there.
"Keep up with what?" Dahyun eventually asks.
Momo doesn't look at Dahyun. She lets the silence reply for her. Because she knows that Dahyun knows exactly what she is talking about.
And yes, Dahyun does know. She knew that this conversation was already headed their way the moment they spent their first night together. They'd been so close for those few hours, but at the same time, those hours are now the reason why they have to keep distance. Fleeting glances and unnecessary attitudes are the outcomes of those sweet, intimate touches. Months of subtle flirtations and gazes that are always held for too long.
They are on and off. Momo in Dahyun's bed again, Dahyun in Momo's arms again. Sometimes Dahyun is above Momo, pressing their foreheads together while holding her by the hips. Other times, Momo is on top, her fingertips brushing against Dahyun's skin, her hair spilling over their bodies.
"It's just a fling we're having," Dahyun had once laughed to herself, out on the balcony. And that was the problem. She always laughed about something so serious. They're not normal people, after all. They're idols.
Now, Dahyun's breath hitches, her throat is dry. She can't swallow, struggling to find words, only for her mind to settle on. "Why?"
"Because it's not healthy for either of us," Momo responds simply, finally turning her head to look up at Dahyun, her dark eyes still as foggy as midnight in November.
Momo's face is calm and plain, even while she slowly raises a hand to brush a stray hair from Dahyun's cheek. Her thumb skims along the girl's skin, leaving behind a warm and familiar sensation. That makes something desperate light up deep in Dahyun's chest and she catches Momo's hand before it falls down. She holds her cold fingers in her palm, and Momo allows it.
"I'll admit, though," Momo murmurs, pulling Dahyun closer, "it certainly was fun while it lasted. But it's just a fling, right?"
Something breaks, deep in her voice, and then their eyes meet properly. Dahyun clears her throat and flounders, her pathetic tongue searching for words while Momo laughs gently, echoing into Dahyun's ears like a slow lullaby. Momo leans up and plants a kiss on Dahyun's jaw, soft lips pressing against a clenched jaw. When she pulls away, she sees a faint glow amidst the darkness in Dahyun's eyes.
"I'll see you later, Dahyuni."
Momo's arm softly brushes against Dahyun's, and then she's off, walking down the stairs, her short hair jumping behind her. She leaves behind the scent of strawberries.
Dahyun wants to follow, to run after her, to tell her that she really does want all of this, want all of her, but she gets up to go back to her apartment instead. To her apartment that will consist of only her this time. She's numb. So, so numb. Numb to time, numb to the biting cold wind, numb to the pain that's choking her. It shouldn't hurt this much. It shouldn't mean this much.
The walk back home, the stumble into her room, the brash removal of her suddenly too tight jacket and shoes, it all goes by her with a blur and a gnashing of teeth. Her breath shudders as she trudges into the bathroom, clumsily reaching for the shower head. While the water warms and steam fills the little tiled paradise, she peels off her remaining clothes.
