I kissed her in the middle of the gig. It wasn't planned, of course, but the way her face was shining with happiness and the sparkle in her eyes just pushed me. I clung to the barrier as I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers, our favourite band rocking out in front of us. It only lasted a second and then she looked at me with surprise, but then knitted her brows before going back to dancing and singing.
I don't know what I was expecting, to be honest. The world is now just going on as if I didn't kiss Dahyun, as if my lips didn't touch hers. The people are still having fun around us, the band is still as awesome as ever and I'm just standing here, singing only half-heartedly to keep up appearances. What was on my mind? Why would I ever do that? Dahyun is undeniably beautiful, that is true, but why now in front of thousands of people?
I feel the lump in my throat grow bigger and bitter as I suppress my tears. Dahyun, my best friend, the sunshine of our little group, and one of the sunshines of my life, probably hates me in this moment. She keeps her eyes on the band, ignoring my furtive glances, my loud and false singing. I look around for an escape, but it is impossible to get out from the sea of people and I don't want to ask the grumpy barrier security in front of the stage to take me out of here.
I think I've ruined the concert for Dahyun. I feel selfish. Fighting my troubled thoughts, I decide to do what Dahyun is doing, to ignore everyone else and have a good time. Come to think of it, I'm suddenly upset with her. Her reaction kind of hurt me. Couldn't she at least say something? I close my eyes, blocking the image of Dahyun throwing back her long, soft hair, and just listen to the lyrics.
I remember the moments when I listened to this song, jumping around my room. But then I also remember that summer after Dahyun got her driving license, when we practically screamed this song while dashing to the seaside, the sun warming our faces. I realize that all my good memories are tied to her.
"Unnie! Oh my god, unnie, it's your favourite song!"
I open my eyes and look at Dahyun's shocked face. She is right. I recognize the first accords of this song and without thinking, I start screaming and bouncing. Dahyun follows me a moment later, putting her arms around my neck. She laughs softly near my ear, her rosy cheek glued to mine as we sway in each other's embrace. She knows what this song means to me and that at all those concerts we've been to, it was never played. In fact, I think it has not been played in over seven years.
My heart is pounding loudly, but not just because of the song. I'm not sure if I'm dreaming or not. I feel the hot skin of her neck as I hide my face there, her silky hair tickling my nose and her breasts pressing against mine. I breathe in her fruity perfume as Dahyun keeps whispering "unbelievable".
Then, her fingers scratch the back of my head and pull at my short hair. I sometimes still regret cutting my hair, but now it feels good to have her fingers playing with it. I look up into her eyes, vaguely aware that the band is still playing the intro.
Still clinging to each other, Dahyun smiles at me and bites her lip. "You're a much braver girl than I am. I lo—"
It's a sound that makes me get goosebumps, hurting my ears like crazy, the screeching of all the people coming right after. It sounded like a gun shot coming from the direction of the entrance, but I'm not sure. In the heat of the moment, I quickly get Dahyun, who is clinging to me anxiously, probably convinced that it was a shot, to bend down a little with me.
"What is happening?" she asks me.
But I just stay quiet and hold her close to me, covering her as best I can. I know that she's scared and I am too, but I also know that we have to get out of here as quick as possible. The people are panicking, some trying to run away to the opposite direction of the sound, some staying bent down just like us. The colorful LED lights are still shining around even though the stage is empty and the music has turned into terrified screaming and yelling. There should be another exit, there must be, there has to be.
"Dahyuni, let's—"
With another loud bang, I can confirm that it is in fact a gunshot, but I wish it wasn't. Especially because Dahyun is here too. I must not let anything happen to her. Why isn't anyone stopping whatever is happening right now?
"We have to search for another exit," I say before we slowly start moving forward, towards the back of the concert hall.
I let her walk in front of me, her hand reaching back for me to hold as I follow behind her, covering her in case another trigger is pulled. But it luckily isn't until we've reached an exit at the very back of the hall. Everyone is desperate to get out, but I push forward to get us out with Dahyun clinging onto me even if it makes me selfish. It might be the adrenaline or I might really be scared after all, but it doesn't matter as long as we are out of this madness. We quickly run as far away as we possibly can before we run out of breath.
When we come to a stop, Dahyun's hand is still holding onto mine with a tense grip, so I decide to calm her down before anything.
"We're safe now, Dahyuni," I pull her in for a hug, "It's alright, it's over."
Her body is trembling in my arms. I know how afraid she is of such things and I really wish she never had to experience it ever, but life is unfair. I guess I'm happy that she isn't crying, though. She is so strong and I can only hope that she is aware of that.
When what sounds like a pack of police car sirens get closer and closer, Dahyun slowly removes herself from my embrance, but doesn't let go of my hand.
"I wonder who that was... and why they did something like that," she says with a quiet voice, almost too quiet.
"I don't understand why there was no security," I say, frustrated at the fact that the concert is ruined and at the thought of someone getting shot back there. "But we should go home now, it's dark."
We enter the apartment together. I drove and the ride was pretty quiet, considering how everything suddenly went wrong in a matter of seconds and left us in shock. One second we were enjoying ourselves, swinging along with the song, the next second we were running away from a shooting. I wonder if the police have everything under control, and if the victims, if there are any, are fine. I'm positive that I won't be getting any sleep this night, this strange night.
The lights are off and there is nothing but silence, meaning the girls are in their rooms, most likely asleep given the time of day, but some are probably awake due to their jumbled sleep schedules. We are both trying to be as quiet as possible as we take off our jackets. I think neither of us want to explain anything to anyone in the moment, since we are not quite sure of what happened either. It all happened so quickly.
Dahyun's face is blank, her movements uneasy. After she hangs up her jacket, I'm quick to gently grab her hands, her cold hands. I know that what happened has taken a big toll on her, I know she was terrified, I know she still is. I understand because so was I, so am I.
"Shall we sleep together?" I ask her.
I believe it's best if we try to comfort each other rather than having to sleep with our thoughts full. And I'm sure we understand each other the best right now.
"I would love that, but where?" she asks me with shy eyes.
We end up laying a blanket on the sofa. With another blanket on us, we are snuggled up close because there really isn't that much space, but we manage. My arm is like a blanket under her head and I can feel it going numb, but right now, I couldn't care less. As long as she is sleeping fine. My other arm around her waist rises with her breathing, her steady breathing indicating that she is asleep. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway, so I decided to put her to sleep at least.
Now that it's completely silent again, I close my eyes and my mind wanders. I kissed Dahyun and now she is sleeping in my arms. I am yet to know if I did the right thing, though. Did I mess up? What did she want to say before the gunshot? I would have said that she won't remember because of the alcohol, but we didn't drink.
And I am happy that we didn't get drunk, because my thoughts are suddenly interrupted by something I want to remember forever. Something I've already felt today, something sweet, something soft.
I feel her lips against mine.
