Midst of Chaos

XXXV

I looked at the mirror and pressed my lips after I applied my nude lipstick. Huminga ako ng malalim at tiningnan kung maayos na ba ang sarili.

Last night I decided to talk it out with Drew. I-I just want to settle things between us and to leave with no regrets.

Nakasuot ako ng puting turtle neck fitterd short sleeves na pinaresan ko ng black leather skirt. Sinuot ko din ang black boots ko at agad kinuha ang maliit na pouch bago nagpasiyang lumabas sa unit.

Pagkababa sa basement ay agad kong pintunog ang sasakyan ko at pumasok sa loob. I even look at myself twice sa rearview mirror bago pinaandar ang sasakyan.

"This is going to be fine." bulong ko sa sarili ko

Drew texted me the address of the restaurant last night. I remembered how happy he was when I asked him when we will see each other. I could sense his emotions through the typings.

When I arrived, the waitress immediately lead me to a private room. There he is, waiting for me, his face lightened up when he saw me walking towards me. Tatayo pa sana siya but I waved my hand to stop him.

"Hello?" A voice answered after accepting the call

I was in my unit while slumbering in my bed when I decided to call him. I just realized na dapat hindi ko na patagalin pa. This is what I've been waiting for diba? Na bumalik siya at masabi ko lahat ng hinanakit ko. Na madinig nya lahat ng sasabihin ko.

"When will we talk?" I asked immediately

I could hear some sounds from the other line na tila ba may nahulog pero hindi ko na lang iyon pinansin dahil agad din namang sumagot si Drew.

"Z... Thank you. I'll text you the address after I settle things out. When will you be free?" he asked

I turned my body sideways and answered, "Next week. Saturday? Is it okay?"

"Ah-yeah-yeah! I'm free..."

Silence grew between us at dahil wala na din naman kaming sasabihin ata o idadagdag ay agad kong napindot and end call.

Pagkarinig ko ng tone na ended na yung call ay mabilis ang kamay kong lumipad sa bibig ko. What did I just do? OMG! I was so rude!

Kaya naman napabangon ako at mabilis na nagtipa ng message at agad iyong isinent kay Drew.

I'm sorry, I just unconsciously ended the call. So, bye? Then see you next week!

After a minute ay agad din naman siyang nagreply.

It's alright! See you then, Z. :)

Agad kong ini-off ang phone at tumititig sa kisame. Huminga ako ng malalim at kinuha ang unan ko para itakip sa mukha.

It's done. We'll see each other again after long time. Hooh!

"I ordered already Z and if you want anything else, we can add it on."

Nakuha ang atensiyon ko ni Drew at doon ko lang napansin na may mga pagkain na unti-unti na pa lang siniserve ng waiter.

Napagtanto kong puro Filipino food iyon na kadalasan kong inioorder kapag kasama ko siya noon. Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti ng maisip na hindi nya pa din iyon nakakalimutan kahit lumipas na ang mga taon.

"I'm good with this, Drew. Thank you" sagot ko na ikinangiti nya.

We were in the middle of eating ng biglang nagsalita si Drew.

"I was born by the sin of my parents. My mother was a maid in the house where my biological father and his family lived. My mother died when she gave birth to me, but I never lived a bad life." he started

It is my first time hearing this story. I never know about this. And there I realized, he never shared his story to me. Ako lang.

"My father is a businessman. Strict and greed of money and power. Iyon ang tingin ko sakaniya because he sold his children for his business to flourish. The eldest, my sister, married a man from a construction company, she never loved that man but she couldn't say no. Next is my elder brother, he married someone from the real estate, luckily, he fell for the girl. My siblings never thought na masasali ako, na i would be engaged to like what he did to them and when they knew, they protested. They never want the youngest to be like them. All they want is for me to be free."

Nakita kong napakuyom ang mga kamay niya habang hawak ang mga kubyertos. At alam kong hindi ako namamalik-mata ng makitang may nahulog na luha galing sa mga mata niya.

"My stepmother and step-siblings, they were the reason I lived in the house. Alaala ko pa noong tinanong ko si Mommy kung bakit hindi siya galit sa akin and she answered, You are an angel, Drew. Why would I be angry to a gift from God? They pampered me with gifts and they never saw me as different." dagdag niya

I remained silent, nakikinig sa lahat ni sinasabi niya. Pinakinggan lahat ng hinanaing niya.

"Kahit gaano pa nagprotesta si Mommy at ang mga kapatid ko hindi pa din iyon nagbago. I accepted it. Iniisip ko na lang na baka bayad na iyon dahil binuhay nila ako. That night, I only wished to be free just for a night and then I met you. As time goes by, I didn't know that I will fell for you, grabe, Z, nahulog ako sayo, hulog na hulog. And as I accepted those feelings I had for you, nahihirapan na din ako kung paano ko sasabihin sa iyo. Naghahanap ako parati ng tamang tiyempo pero wala eh, naunahan ako ng panahon. I never knew that they will announce it. I was so late at huli ko ng napagtanto na wala palang tamang panahon, kasi masasaktan at masasaktan kita."

I looked sideways at tumingala ang mata trying to suppress my tears. I remembered how my heart shattered ng nalaman kong ang taong mahal ko ay engaged pala. Nakatali na. Sinamahan pa ng aksidente ni papa kaya hindi ko malaman kung anong gagawin ko sa puso kong nasasaktan noon.

"When my father died, they did everything to cancel na engagement. Si Mommy pa nanguna doon, they never had time to mourn for my father's death, they just want me to be free.

Gusto kong bumalik ng Pilipinas pero hindi ko nagawa, my mother fell sick. I could not leave her. She never left me so how could I. At kahit gaano pa niya ako tinulak, hindi ako umalis sa tabi niya. Iniisip ko ang tagal kong bumalik sa iyo Z, minsan natatanong ko may babalikan pa ba ako?

"Pero ngayon nandito na ako, Z. Nandito na ulit ako. Malaya na."

Ngumiti sa akin si Drew pero kitang-kita ko ang namumula niyang mga mata. Hindi ko alam na nahihirapan na din pala siya at hindi ko man naisip iyon sa nagdaang taon.

"I'm sorry..." tanging nasabi ko

I'm sorry kasi wala akong alam. I'm sorry kung puro sarili ko lang ang iniisip ko. I'm sorry kung ni minsan ay hindi kita natanong kung okay ka lang. I'm sorry if I was blinded na okay ka parati. I'm sorry of I wasn't there.

I'm sorry, Drew.