2019
My knees were becoming numb from excruciating pain as my skin was being rubbed raw by the rough mat beneath me. Due to my balance being off, the texture of it scratched at whatever was bare and open. I heaved a stress-filled breath and clenched my teeth, the endless fall of tears weakening my body as time passed. Yet, I did nothing to remove myself from this situation.
Before me was a plaster. Small, but enough to fit a name in the center. The ink on the plaster had dried long ago; although, first written when I entered this part of the palace. It was staring at me and forcing reality down my throat, getting stuck there with my cries that had turned mute. It was reminding me that I had taken advantage of what I had, and now that it's gone, I can't get it back.
Can't get him back.
"Young Miss," the same voice begs terribly beside me, arm limp around my own after being tired of the same routine. "You can't stay here any longer! You will get painfully sick! Then who will Ma'am have?" Her screams had softened to pitful sobs while breathing just as harsh as I. She didn't want to be here anymore.
I finally glanced at her, the tears in my eyes falling as I blinked them away, forcing myself to look directly at the maid. "Please, leave me. I have many more hours before I can leave father."
Just as those words left my lips, her head swung to the side, glancing behind me at the entrance doors. I sighed, knowing exactly what the maid was staring so widely at with scared eyes. But I didn't move from my position, and in fact closed my eyes as if keeping out everyone else.
"Jang Mi," mother called hoarsely, the evident pain of her own escaping. Her light steps could barely be heard as she neared me. "Stand up."
I stayed still. "I will lose time of respect for him if I leave now."
I felt her presence beside me. She slowly knelt down on the mat. My eyes fluttered open to curiously gaze at her movements, watching her stare at the same plaster before bowing at it.
"You would be here for days if you wanted to pay him back," she calmly tells me, turning her head towards me with a sad smile. "We all would. But how could you ever do something worth wanting if you stay here?"
I hold my breath, feeling my body tilt to one side painfully, cause a rush of blood flow to the opposite area. "If I don't stay here, it's as if I've disregarded everything the emperor has done for me. For us."
Mother thinned her lips. "Untrue, princess. Your father had known you would stay here for hours like this, crying at his ashes in prayers of this all being a long nightmare. He had left you a mission to succeed in replacement of you sabotaging your own health."
At this, I completely fell to the side, allowing my knees to take a break from the harsh treatment. My mouth had parted slightly in surprise. "A mission? For me? What is it?"
Mother stands to her feet, stretching out a hand. A servant rushes to her side and places a paper sealed with a red bow onto her palm, leaving the room with the other maid. "This says it all, my dear daughter. At first, I didn't want to let you do this mission. It would take away a lot of your freedom if you decided to do it."
She glances at my knees, the unbearingly red skin cause her to look away immediately. "But I couldn't let you stay like this. Take the letter he wrote. Fulfill his mission and then come back to see him. Until then, I don't want to ever see your face in this room ever again."
Her words were cruel, but her voice was breaking and unsteady. I reached up to her hand that leaned towards me, grabbing the letter and moving my position to sit better. "Are you promising that this will keep me away for a great amount of time, or warning me?"
