The cold nipped at the small inches of bare skin that my jacket couldn't cover, causing me to shiver. I pulled at the end of my sleeves and moved around, trying to create enough heat to last me the next few minutes. My breath could be seen even as I exhaled, it being so cold tonight.
But none of this stopped the excitement blooming inside of me. The smile across my lips was genuine and full of my emotions as my eyes scouted out for the one person I wished to see this evening. The large Christmas tree behind me stood tall and proud, illuminating the street for everyone to walk.
As I anxiously peered at every passing person, I tucked my fingers under the beanie I borrowed from my love, tugging it so it covered more firmly over my ears. Remembering that it wasn't technically my hat made me smile more, thinking of him just made my heart soar.
It had been so long.
The sound of my ringtone startles me as I abruptly am pulled away from my intense search. To see his name on my phone screen, calling me as I thought of him, did nothing to cease the eagerness I felt. I quickly answered the phone, turning slightly to look for him once more.
"Hello?" I questioned, fingers pressing at my lips to cover my obvious smile. "Jay?"
There was a quiet tone underlying his voice as he spoke to me, much different than my own. "Baby," he says ever so slightly, as if to prepare my heart. "I'm so sorry but I can't make it tonight."
I didn't think it was possible for my enthusiasm to die so quickly. My heart had plummeted so easily, I was afraid I would hurt myself to listen more. But I couldn't help but question his words, wondering why it was he couldn't meet with me.
He sighed heavily, sounding distressed. No doubt he was running his hands through his hair, infuriating his stylist. "They have me stuck here for more practice. Things weren't going so well with the technology and so I'm running late. It would be best for you to go home."
I bit my lip to stop my voice from sounding disappointed. It took all of my will power for me to hold in my own sigh of disappointment. "It's alright, darling. I understand. Do you want me to wait? I can..."
Please let me wait.
I could tell he was battling with the decision. He knew it was quite cold outside, and I wouldn't budge from here if I had the opportunity to meet him. But he didn't want to put up my hopes in case we couldn't meet today after all.
"Baby..." He trails off, almost begging me to just cooperate.
I nod to myself, as if to confirm that I wouldn't get to see him today either. "I'll be fine, Jinhwan. I'll text you when I get home, okay?"
He sighs again, this time in frustration. "I'm so sorry, princess. I didn't want to do this to you. I had today prepared." He stays silent for a moment before realizing I couldn't say much anymore. We bid our goodbyes and that was it.
I let out a shaky breath, forming a fist with my hands before plopping it onto my chest. My heart made a thud as I thumped it a few more times, as if telling it to 'stop acting up'. I smiled somewhat bitterly before breathing in deeply.
It's ok.
This is the life I had chosen, anyway. I knew moments like these were to happen, I just couldn't get myself to become accustomed to them. Dating an idol was never seen as an easy thing, unfortunately. If I were to stay by his side, I'd have to give up a few things like meeting at a festival for Christmas Eve.
This much I can do for him at least.
I huffed out the negative feeling I was burdened with and began to walk forward, deciding to enjoy the festival for the both of us. My hands burry into my coat pockets as I head towards a small table full of jewelry and knick knacks. I found them too cute to ignore earlier, I might as well look at them while I have this chance.
