Felix's hand had cradled your face gently as you stood outside your apartment. His eyes meeting yours, searching for any signs that you didn't want this too. Of course, he wouldn't be able to find them. You wanted to kiss him, but you couldn't.
"May I?" He whispered softly, eyes dropping down to your lips swiftly.
You had smiled at him, shaking your head. "Next time," you assured him. To leave it off sweetly, you turned your head to kiss the inside of his palm before pulling away. If you hadn't removed yourself from his grasp, you would have been too enticed.
Felix hadn't shown signs of disappointment that night. It was your first date, it ended sweetly, and he respected your decision. Even after the second date, when you had swiftly avoided being in the same situation again and entered your apartment with ease.
The third date had happened later in your relationship. At this point, you both were becoming confident you felt the same for each other. You spoke to one another at every chance you could, leaving days to end with each other's voices. He asked if you wished to be his partner, as he wanted you to be, and you were elated to accept.
However, by the end of the night when you both had to go your separate ways instead of meeting at your apartment, you caught yourself in a bad spot. The soft nights air, his silky deep voice, it all came together and had you leaning into him. His hands reached for your face again, wanting to hold you as you neared one another, but you pulled back.
After that, you both sat in silence for a minute. You hated yourself for your impulsive actions. You started to gnaw on your bottom lip harshly as you looked anywhere but at Felix. The heartbeat in your chest could be heard from miles away. Your fingernails started to scratch at the nail polish you just decorated that night.
"May I ask you something?"
You winced, but agreed. "Go ahead," you mumble, awaiting his question with a heavy mind.
"Do you not want to kiss me?" He shuffled so that he could face you better. "Originally I believed it's because you wanted to wait for us to be dating, and I was perfectly fine with that. But tonight, as you lean in like you want to, you recoiled so quickly I-"
"Stop!" You shout in panic, startling him as you turn around, hands waving him down."Stop right there! Do not assume anything is your fault, it is mine."
His brows furrowed in confusion as he listened. "Is it not because you don't wish to kiss me?"
"Oh I want to kiss you. My god I want to kiss you! But it's just..."
Felix cocks his head to the side like a small puppy. "Is something on my lips? Are they chapped?" His fingertips touched his lips to check for dried skin. "I won't push it if you don't want to kiss me, really I-"
You place your hand over his lips quickly, stopping his words yet again. "Felix! Hush!" You wait for his eyes to soften from his shocked expression before continuing. "I don't know how to kiss."
His eyes burned into the side of your head as you turned away, not being able to meet his gaze. He mumbled behind your hands, then decided to reach up and remove them from his mouth. "You don't know how? Is this your first kiss?"
You cringe at his bluntness. "Maybe...?" You squeaked out.
Felix suddenly has his arms wrapped around you, squeezing you tightly. "I'm so sorry! I've been so inconsiderate, I didn't even think about that. This whole time I was worried it was me, but then you agreed to be with me and I couldn't figure any of it out."
He rambled on and on, his stress just releasing from his lips as he continued to spout nonsense. You felt guilty as you listened, realizing his inner thoughts wouldn't have matched yours, had you not spoken them aloud. Reaching your hand up, you cupped his cheek like he usually does to you.
"Felix, I'm so sorry this came to be the way it was. From now on, I will communicate my worries with you ahead of time, so we both don't come to our own conclusions."
He smiled brightly, leaning into your palm. "I will also work on my communication as well, love. That way we don't come to situations like these anymore."
His smile, so sweet, you thought.
You watched him close his eyes, taking a deep breath and releasing his discomfort into the air. The tension had now fully left the two of you, and your heart could finally settle. But watching him like this, at peace and leaning into your touch, was too much to take. You couldn't even stop yourself this time, you leant in far too close to pull back. Before you knew it, your lips were connecting to his.
You pulled back enough to look him in his eyes, panic filling yours. "Oh my god, I didn't even ask!"
His eyes creased with his smile as he gazed at you. "It's okay, I've been wanting to kiss you for a while. However, I wanted your first kiss to be engaged by me."
You laugh lightly, still so close to him it was unbelievable. "Well how about we make this next one, our first kiss?"
Felix met you first, lips softly touching your own. Your heart was abuzz as he moved you two, arms wrapping around your middle as he pulled you even closer. When you took your hand from his face, resting it on the arm that wrapped around you, he took the opportunity to reach for your face instead. His fingers gently touched the side of your jaw and chin, using very little strength to guide you into turning your head to the side. This opened more room for him to turn the opposite way, kissing you deeply.
His lips would come apart to leave sweet pecks, ones you had a difficulty meeting each time so you could only leave your lips flat and waiting. But the way he kissed you, so lovingly and soft, you wondered why you waited so long to tell him. Even if it was your first kiss, Felix wasn't ever going to make you feel uncomfortable. You had no experience, but he didn't make you feel that way. And now you were glad you saved that moment just for him.
