Kabanata 39

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Months after the death of my mother I became miserable. Halos mabaliw ako kakahanap ng sagot kung bakit ito nangyari. Why she left me without me knowing? Ang alam naming lahat magaling na siya pero bakit siya nagpakamatay?

Pinilit ko na ang lahat lahat pero wala akong nakuhang sagot. Walang kahit isang taong makapagbibigay sakin ng sagot. I'm sick of all their advice to move on and just accept what happened. I wish I could do that. How should I move on? When I don't even know where to start. I'm lost.

Years passed then we get back to Rosaryo. My Dad pursue his career in public service like nothing happened. Ngayon wala na siyang kailangang itago na makakasira sa image niya. Mom left but I'm still here, ako mismo ang sisira sa image niya. If he could've been told me before napigilan ko na sana ang pagpapakamatay niya. Pero hindi niya ginawa dahil ginusto niya rin iyon! I hate him more than myself.

I went to parties every night, I even had a scandalous video that was spread in the campus. I cannot even remembered how many times I was called to principal's or guidance office. What's new? What can I do? I'm lost.

Not until I met Monica. Although I have met her before in grade school but I couldn't imagine how she have grown. She is now wearing eye glasses, her body was fully covered and in just one look you could easily determine that she is conservative.

I don't find her attractive or gorgeous either. She is just a typical ordinary boring girl. Pero sa tuwing tinatalakan niya ako at kinikwestyun ang direksyon ko sa buhay. Damn, I can feel something.. I cannot explain why but somehow I can sense that she cares. Maybe because we have the same routine of the man that is close to her, that is Theo.

We always fight in stupid little things. Gusto ko sana siyang pagtripan but she refused to be my victim. Not until when I read her letter for Vimothy, I knew she was inlove with someone else.

Never in my life I was rejected with any other girl. Parang ginawa kong katatawanan ang sarili ko nang pagmasdan ko silang dalawang masayang sumasayaw sa entablado. It was her birthday at hindi man lang niya naisipang imbitahin ako. Poor Monica, you didn't know the man that you hate the most got a picture of you. Attended your party and I even got a photo of us together without you knowing.

Hahayaan kong maging masaya ka dahil birthday mo. Bukas makalawa kahit ayaw mo palagi kitang pipiliting makasama ako.
Ngayon lang ako nakatagpo ng babaeng ayaw sakin. You know what's funny? When I did nothing but she still hates me. This kind of woman is not cute but attractive.
I love everything about her, I embrace her flaws, mood swings and all.

Tinuturan niya ako pero hindi niya alam na wala akong pakialam sa sinasabi niya. All I want is to memorize every detail of her face.

"Nakikinig ka ba? Sinasayang mo lang talaga ang oras ko!" She complain.

"So what? Ayaw mo ba dito sa bahay? Mukha ka namang komportable ah."

"Well, honestly? Your house is so nice as heaven. But you? You look like hell."

Damn girl! I'm starting to fall for you even more.

"Nasabi sakin ni Betty na ngayon ka lang daw ulit nagluluto. Bakit?" She asked.

Simula noong namatay si Mommy pati kusina ay iniwasan ko na. Hindi na ako ulit humawak ng kahit anong gamit sa pagluluto dahil nahihirapan akong tanggapin na wala na siya. Hangga't nakikita at nahahawakan ko ang mga iyon sumasagi sa isipan ko na nandito parin siya. Mas lalo lang akong nahihirapang makaahon. Ganon kami ni Dad kaya palagi nalang kaming umoorder o kumakain sa labas.

"Nakapagluto nanaman na ako sa bahay niyo."

"Yeah but kailan mo lang naisipang magluto ulit?" She asked.

And now she's curious about me huh.

"When I met you."

Dad's attention was all on me. Palagi niya raw akong pinaparusahan dahil matigas ang ulo ko. Pero hindi ko naman iyon naramdaman. I couldn't even notice that I was punished. Is that all he can do? Like freezing my account and get my keys? I don't care about money though. Hindi ako maluhong tao. But whenever I'm with Monica I felt like I need to do something to impress her or to make her feel appreciated and the only way to do that is to cook something for her. Hindi bale ng wala akong pera. I can still do something for her.

Hindi ko kailanman naisip na makakapasa ako ng high school. I don't want to disappoint her I want to show her the bright side of me. Hindi ko man magawang pumasa sa standards niya atleast sinubukan ko. Wala man akong maipagmamalaki sa kanya, kaya ko namang ipangako na kahit anong mangyari I am always here for her.

Pero hindi ko aakalaing pati pag iyak niya sa ibang lalaki ay sasamahan ko pa siya. Dumalo nga siya sa graduation party ko pero ibang lalaki naman ang iniisip niya. What an insult! Hindi ako makapaniwalang aabot ako sa ganito! Tinulungan ko pa siyang punasan ang luhang gawa ng ibang lalaki. Fuck! Kahit sa pagtulog niya ay ibang pangalan ang tinatawag niya. Sumosobra na talaga ang babaeng to.

"Vimothy! I'm sorry." She said while her eyes were closed.

I carried her on my arms and then place her on my bed.

"Naku! Basang basa si mam." Betty looked worried.

"Ikaw na ang bahala sa kanya." I commanded.

"Bakit Señorito?"

I raised my brows. "Bakit hindi?"

Napakamot siya sa ulo at ngumisi.

"Maaari namang ikaw nalang Señorito. Alam kong gustong gusto niyo naman itong si mam."

"Betty!" I shouted.

"Anak ng! Ay siya oo! A-Ako ng bahala Señorito."

Padabog kong isinarado ang pintuan. I don't want to take advantage on her. She is different. Kahit iba ang laman ng utak at puso niya gusto ko parin siya. Kahit masakit gustong gusto ko parin siya. Kahit ayaw niya sakin hinahabol habol ko parin siya. But one thing is for sure.. I enjoyed loving her.

When I'm about to finally confessed my love for her something went wrong.

"Kailangan mong layuan ang babaeng iyon, Señorito." Betty said.

Just yesterday they were too close and now she has changed her mind?

"Nalaman kong anak siya ni Susana!"

"Alam ko. Matagal ko ng kilala ang pamilya niya."

Tatalikuran ko na sana siya nang bigla siyang magsalita.

"Siya ang matagal ng kalaguyo ng Daddy mo! Siya ang dahilan kung bakit nagkasakit si Estelita at nasiraan ng bait dahilan ng lungkot at galit. At higit sa lahat, siya ang dahilan ng kanyang pagpakamatay!"

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