THE SCARS ON MY BODY ● JEGULUS |MARAUDERS|

✰EIGHTY-FIVE✰

THIS CHAPTER'S TERRIBLE, I KNOW, GUYS, I KNOW

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✰ Wasted their seconds.

Their moments.

Waiting for the wave.  ✰

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"It's not healthy to hide things...keep them hidden away at the back of your brain." Lily said, reaching her hand into her Honeydukes bag, then holding out one of the sweets, "Sweet for your thoughts?"

James chuckled, taking the sweet from her fingers and lifting it to his mouth. He smiled at the taste, honey, feeling it melt on his tongue. He shoved his hands into his pockets as they walked, chewing, while he tried to decide what to say. Lily sighed and took one of his hands out of his pocket, holding it in her own and twining their fingers together, "You can trust me, James. Pinkey promise." She let go of his hand and joined their pinkies together instead. She did not let go, neither of them did. They walked down the quiet Hogsmeade street with their pinkies tied.

"I recently ended a relationship with someone...and I think I messed up." If these words hurt Lily, she didn't let it show, instead she smiled slightly.

"Tell me about them. About you two." Her response rather shocked James. They were on a date and here he was, talking about his ex.

"Well...they're amazing...in literally every way possible. They're so smart, so talented. Quiet in public, but the most excitable person when with people they love. They're an artist, like me, but with drawing. I can't draw for the life of me, but I can bet you my whole fortune, if they were given some paint and a brush, they'd make a masterpiece with no previous experience. They're like that, a quick learner...or maybe they're just scarily wise, both are sufficient answers." He paused for a few moments as they both climbed into a carriage. He let out a puff of air as he sat down, letting his head drop back to lean against the wall of the carriage. 

"Take your time." Lily took his hand, comfortingly.

"They love books, really like them. We used to read together...out loud, not in our heads. I just remember resting my head on their shoulder as they spoke, telling myself that I wouldn't let myself fuck this up because they meant so goddamned much to me. Mean so goddamned much to me. But, I fucked it all up anyway."

"Why did you leave them?" Lily asked, softly. There was no jealousy in her tone, no hesitation. Just curiosity.

"They did a really bad thing," James mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut to shoo away the dampness on the inside of his bottom eyelid.

"And you couldn't forgive them for it then?"

"No." His response was barely a word, it could have easily been mistaken as a ragged breath, but, it was a no, and Lily heard it.

"Could you forgive them for it now?"

Could he? He opened his eyes, finally, and stared down at their joined hands. He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. He wanted to forgive Reg, but could he? Was he capable of doing so? Was it safe?

"I want to." Was the reply he decided on after a long silence.

"But you don't think you can." She really was incredible. "You really like him, don't you?"

"Him? Him? What do you mean him?"

She did not answer him, she simply kissed him on the cheek and jumped out of the carriage as it stopped. "Goodbye, James, thank you for today." She grabbed her bags, smiled at him, and then began to walk back to the castle. He would have run after her and walked her back, but, she had spotted Mary MacDonald and had begun walking with her.