A Road To Azlan's Heart (Azlan's Heart Sequel)

Kabanata 6

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"I'm really sorry, Miss Montreal, for being late. Balak ko kasing hintayin sana ang fiancé ko, pero ayon na nga at nahuli siya sa supposed meeting. But no worries, he said he is coming."

I cleared the lump in my throat as my stares lingered on her more. She was wearing a white high waist pleated skirt without a belt partnered with a white solid ribbed knit crop top. She was looking pretty with her hair loose down. Beside her was the woman who introduced herself as their wedding planner. Isinama na rin niya ito para makatulong sa pag-iisip ng disenyo para sa reception nila pagkatapos ng kasal.

I forced a smile to keep up with her. Hindi ko magawang salabungin nang matagal ang tingin niya dahil parang may pumipilipit sa tyan ko habang tumitingin sa masaya niyang mata. I bet he was taking good care of her... like how he took care of me before.

Mabilis na iwinaksi ko ang pumasok sa isipan ko bago tumikhim. Nilingon ko si Erika, pilit pa ring tinatago ang kirot na nararamdaman ko. But as time passes by, the pain just keeps on coming. It surges deeply within me, but even if I mask it with joy, still it will find a way to get through. And then everybody will found out. How I can't hopelessly move on from someone who isn't even mine.

"It's o-okay. Wala rin namang susunod na kliyente kaya ayos lang. D-Darating naman ang fiancé mo, hindi ba?" I bit my quevering lips. She nodded. Tinignan niya ang sariling selpon nang tumunog iyon kasabay nang pag-ilaw.

"Yes, in fact, this is him I am texting with. Nagkagipitan lang daw nang kaonti sa dinadaanan niya ngayon pero parating na raw siya."

"Oh, okay. Can..." I took a gulp. "Can I have Erika talk to the two of you for a while? I'm just going to check something. Also, magaling ang empleyado kong ito kaya hindi ninyo kailangang mag-aalala," dagdag ko pa.

She offered me a kind smile. "Sure."

Walang pagdadalawang-isip na tumayo ako sa kinauupuan ko. Nilingon ko si Erika na tinanguan lang din ako kaya agad akong umalis sa bandang iyon. Bawat hakbang ko ay sobrang bigat sa dibdib. Paulit-ulit kong sinasabi na basag na ang puso ko. But funny, how can it still be tore apart mercilessly.

Kasabay nang pagpasok ko sa isang cubicle sa restroom na pambabae ay agad na bumigay ang tuhod ko na naging dahilan para lumugmok ako sa sahig. I helplessly clutch my chest with tears running down my cheeks. Hindi ko alintana ang mamasa-masa pang sahig na tila kalilinis pa lang at hinayaan ko lang ang sarili kong nakaluhod doon. My body facing the wall.

"Damn it... sobrang sakit na n-naman," bulong ko. Halos hindi ko na makilala ang sarili dahil sa pinipigalan kong pagsinghot.

Alam ko na maaaring mangyari ito. I know that it will. I told myself that I'll get ready for it, but life is a bitch as always. Kahit anong handa ko sa sarili ko ay hindi ko pa rin maiwasang masaktan sa katotohanang pilit inihaharap sa akin ng mundo.

Canix told me before when he and V left that if I want to move on then I should let go. I did, I know I did. Pero alam kong niloloko ko lang din ang sarili ko. Hindi ako kailan man na bumitaw. Hindi ko kailan man na ginawang kalimutan siya kasi kung oo, bakit nakatatak pa rin sa isipan ko ang buong mukha niya? Why can I still remember his smiles, his touch, his voice, even the way he smells. I remember it all.

I fucking painfully remember it all, every bits of it.

Isinandal ko ang noo sa dingding na nasa harap ko habang kagat-kagat ang pang-ibabang labi. However, the more I restrain myself from crying, the more that my tears were streaming nonstop.

Lumipas ang mga oras at nasa ganoon pa rin akong posisyon. I wasn't even planning to go back because I know that I look awful right now with my makeup scattered around my face. But I need to act as professional as I can. Lalo na dahil pinili ko ito. Isa pa ay tila hindi alam ng babae ang tungkol sa akin.