A Road To Azlan's Heart (Azlan's Heart Sequel)

Kabanata 21

Illusion

The once chained hands of mine are now free. I let him go. And I had never been happy and sad at the same time, just now. Pero kung hindi namin ginawa iyon ay paniguradong pareho kaming magdudurusa. Pareho kaming masasaktan lalo dahil sa bawat kapit namin sa isang bagay na siyang hindi na dapat panghawakan pa.

We were young when we started what we have. The young me loved him and was willing to do anything for him, but now that I am already old enough, I understand that loving him will lead us to nowhere. It dawned to me that loving him wrongly, even if we weren't cousins anymore, will both ruined us.

Kaya kahit nakikita ko siya ay pananatilihin kong tikom ang bibig sa mga salitang hindi na dapat sabihin pa. Na kung may pagkatataon na pwede akong tumakbo papunta sa kaniya ay gagawa ako ng sariling daan na pwede kong tahakin. Isang daan na siyang hindi na isang siya ang naghihintay sa dulo.

"Let's eat breakfast! Love, come here na. Kakain na!" The woman behind me groaned. I can imagine her frowning because of Kuya Kian.

Natawa ako nang bahagya. I can't imagine my brother calling out for a girl like that. I have known him for years. Palaging sa mga lalaki siya nahuhumaling. I have seen him many times, kissing a man, but I have never seen him this whipped for a woman. Pero ngayon na nangyayari ito sa mismong lugar kung nasaan din ako ay hindi talaga ako makapaniwala.

"Istorbo." Mas natawa ako sa narinig.

Ipinagpatuloy ni Ate Sona ang pagsuklay sa buhok ko. Completely ignoring Kuya Kian whose probably frowning right now.

I am now in their care, especially, after Kuya Kian found out what happened to me when he was gone. Naiintindihan ko naman kung bakit siya umalis kaya hindi ko na ginawa pang malaking bagay ang lahat pero hindi pumayag si Kuya Kian na bumalik ako sa New York. He wants me to live with him and his girlfriend. Kaya narito ako ngayon at inaalagaan nila. It is partly, Canixter's doing. He used his connections to look for Kuya Kian, and told him everything when he got a chance.

Pero hindi ko pa rin nagawang magalit kahit na ganoon ang nangyari. They are all thinking about me, after all. The least I could do, is to take of myself and truly heal from the wounds I got in the past. And maybe, not just the wounds, but the scars itself too. Because not every scars is a reminder of how brave a person is. Sometimes, it is a torture that halts a person from moving forward by remembering and, painfully reviving the things one needs to forget.

And constantly, my friends would remind me that it is okay to be weak. That it is okay to erased the scars if I can't take it, until I can handle the memories of the past without stirring the emotions I had inside. At iyon ang gagawin ko. Maaaring, kaduwagan sa iba pero iyon lang ang kaya ko para hindi masiraan nang bait. If I wanted to forget the feelings thoroughly, then I should take down the things that reminds me of him.

"Are you alright, hon?" ang marahang boses ni Ate Sona ang pumuno sa kasuluk-sulukan ng tainga ko na naging dahilan para lumingon ako sa kaniya.

She smiled when she noticed me staring at her. Naibaba niya ang kamay na may hawak na suklay pagkatapos ay inilagay ang mga buhok na tumabon sa mukha ko sa likod ng tainga ko.

"Don't mind your Kuya Kian. He is just being a kid," she softly uttered like it would scare me off if she raised her voice even just a bit.

"Hindi naman, ate. May naisip lang ako. I mean, I know everyone is worried but I want to..." I sighed and looked at my fingers. I played with it then just shook my head afterwards. "Nothing, I guess. I'm just maybe overthinking things out." Or not.

"What is it? You can tell me. We will talk it out to him. Maiintindihan ka naman niya. He just loves you, your friends loves you..."

It has been five days yet after I left the resort and went here in Batangas where Kuya Kian is living with Ate Sona. Within that five days, all I did was sleep, talk with them, eat and sleep again. I feel like I'm missing something. Parang hindi sapat ang nangyayari sa buhay ko. It feels like letting him go was a complete waste, especially that I am acting like this right now. I need to do something with my life and I don't think that being with my love ones right now can help me.