I Don't Want to Fall in Love</3

Chappie 59: Breaking Out.

--->MAI<---
It's 10 am, Sunday and here I am with Josh in his room. Kanina pa kong nandito. Siguro 8 nandito na ko sa kanila since pinatawag kami ni Dad. We we're all gathered in the sitting room, sa harap nung flat screen nina Mamu, Dad and ABItch was on the screen, parang yung ginagawa lang nila sa office, kapag yung mga kameeting ni Dad e nasa kabilang ibayo ng mundo.

So we sat there while he announced na tuloy ng kasal nila next year. February 14. And as he said that. Everybody in the room looked at me while I just stared out the window. I heard him but I was too tired to say anything, too numb to protest. After I didn't say anything, Mamu and the others congratulated him.

After that Dad talked to me in private. Told me the same speech he'd been trying to feed me for the last months, how they make each other happy and blah blah blah. After his speech he looked at me and I mumbled a congratulations. He looked at me wide eyed, maybe if I wasn't like this I would have snapped a picture, but I didn't I just asked him if I can go. He looked at me through the tv, and maybe he got the message that I don't really care anymore and he then let me go. 

"Are you sure you're okay?" Tanong sakin ni Josh, nakahiga ako sa kama niya, nakatingin sa bintana, a habit I seem to be doing a lot since yesterday. Tumango ako. I heard him sigh and he then laid down beside me, obscuring the view of his window, his eyes one me.
"Yung totoo Mai, anong problema?" We were staring at each other, him trying to figure me out, while I was just staring, trying to get lost in his eyes. 
"Mai..."
"During the retreat, yung last activity natin... nung niyakap mo ko... you kept saying you're sorry... why?" Josh sat up, cleared his throat and started scratching his neck, a tell tale sign he's nervous.
"Well... I mean, ano lang... sorry lang for all my shortcomings...  I guess... and ahm... kasi lahat naman nung nagyayakapan may sinasabi e... and... I mean, I couldn't just hug you, right? I mean they'd get suspiscious... right?" He stuttered, and with that I knew he was lying. But eventhough I knew, I didn't say anything. 

I'm in my room still in my PJ's. Staring up at the ceiling, counting and recounting the chips and cracks on the paint, since staring outside the window has become too boring. It's Tuesday now, the second consecutive day I've skipped school with the excuse that I'm sick. Not that I don't look sick, my eyes are black, almost like a panda's and my skin is pale like a zombie. The tell tale sign I haven't been sleeping.

I mean how can I sleep when I've been having recurring nightmares of getting lost. Every night it's the same. I'd be running around in complete darkness not knowing why or where I'm going. Sometimes I'd see people around me, sometimes they're complete strangers, sometimes they're familiar faces, I'd ask them for help, begging and pleading but they'd always look at me and turn around, refusing to give a helping hand and then I'd wake up. Sweating, out of breath and feeling more lost in reality. 

So there I was swimming in my own thoughts when there was a knock on my door, I didn't move not wanting to leave my bed, I mean if it's Jasper or Alice they have their own key. But I guess it wasn't them coz he started banging and yelling.
"Open up, I know you're in there." Si Gino, ano namang ginagawa ng lalaking to? So seeing as I have no choice, I got up and opened the door.
"Anong ginagawa mo dito?" Tanong ko sa nakasimangot niyang mukha. 
"Checking to make sure you're still breathing." I know he's mad, as to why I don't know and I really don't care.  
"Well, I'm breathing. You can go now." I muttered.
"Tss. I've been texting and calling you the whole day. Bakit patay na naman cellphone mo?" Inis na sabi ni Gino.
"My phone died."  
"So? Charge it! Ayan o, ang lapit lapit ng saksakan hindi mo pa ginawa! What is wrong with you! Hindi mo ba..." Hindi ako nagsalita, pinabayaan ko lang siyang magsisigaw, pagalitan ako, pangaralan. Nakinig lang ako sa boses niya kahit na hindi ko na naiintindihan yung mga sinasabi niya. Naupo ako sa sofa at pinikit kong mata ko.