I Don't Want to Fall in Love</3

Chappie 73: Trust.

--->MAI<---
"Mai, are you okay?" Tanong sakin ni Alice. We were in the car on the way to Dr. Cates again.
"Yeah, I was just thinking."
"About?" I looked at her and I smiled.
"You know... stuff. I was just thinking, what if... you're really not gonna take me home, that maybe you'll leave me in a ditch somewhere."
"Mai... What're you?..." Napaluha si Alice.
"Or maybe you'll take me to an old abandoned warehouse, where you'll murder me or something, then you'll go back home and tell Dad I ran away. That'd be nice."
"Mai, what are you saying?" Tanong sakin ni Jasper.
"I mean, it makes sense right, I've always been awful to you guys. I'm a brat, I'm a bitch. So now that I'm slowly getting fucked up, this would be the best time to ditch me, kill me or whatever right. That way you don't have to pretend you like me."
"We're not pretending Mai." Sabi ni Alice, hinawakan niyang kamay ko, patuloy parin siyang umiiyak. I smiled at her.
"Stop Alice. You don't have to lie anymore. Don't worry, with how things are right now. I wouldn't be surprised. If one day you'll just stab..."
"Mai. Stop it!" Tinigil ni Jasper ang sasakyan at tumingin sakin. His eyes red and his breathing heavy.
"We love you, you've been with us since you we're little. And no matter what you say or do. We've always loved you."
"You can't love someone f*cked up."
"But you're not fucked up Mai. You're okay. You're fine and you'll get better. You just have to trust us again, you just have to stop keeping things locked up inside you. You'll be okay, Mai. You'll be fine."

Umiiyak na siya, habang kita ko naman na nagpipigil na rin ng luha si Jasper. Never in my whole life have I seen either one of them cry. Ewan, siguro required yun sa mga bodyguards and hindi magpakita ng kahinaan, and crying is a sure sign of weakness. But why now? Bakit sila umiiyak ngayon? Bakit nila ko pinag-aaksayahan ng luha?

"What make you think you're... effed up?" Tanong sakin ni Dr. Cates.
"I wouldn't have to be here, if I were'nt." Sagot ko naman.
"Do you feel like you are?"
"...yes." Nagsulat siya sa notebook niya.
"Jasper and Alice has been with you for almost 8 years now, right?" Tumango ako.
"So why are you doubting them now?" Hindi ako sumagot.
"You haven't talked to anyone outside your household, have you?" Umiling ako.
"They told me your grandmother, your cousin, and a few of your friends have been trying to see you, but you always refuse. Why?"
"I don't want to talk to them." She wrote in her notebook again.
"Why?"
"I don't feel like talking to them." She wrote again.
"One of the steps to getting better is talking to people. You can't keep isolating yourself, you can't be afraid of people."
"I'm not afraid." And again, she wrote in her tiny book.
"Then why won't you see them?" Hindi ulit ako sumagot, pero nagsulat parin siya.
"I didn't say anything." Tumigil siya sa pagsusulat at tumingin sakin.
"I know."
"Then what did you write?"
"Silence means everything Mai, have you forgotten?"

She looks the same, she talks the same, she does the exact same thing she did the first time we talked. Pero kahit ganon, hindi ko alam kung  bakit pero unti-unti akong naiinis sa kanya, the way she writes, the way she talks to me, the way she treats me. Hindi ko maintindihan, ganito rin naman siya dati noon. I liked her the first time, kaya nga after meeting with her hindi na ko nagpapalit ng psychiatrist.

But now.

I don't know but something changed and I don't want to talk to her anymore.

I stood up and started packing my things.

"Where are you going?" Tanong niya sakin.
"Home. I don't want to talk anymore."
"We still have time Mai, you can't keep leaving in the middle of a session.
"You don't have to worry about that coz this is the last time I'm seeing you." She closed her notebook and looked at me.
"Care to explain?"
"I'm going to see someone else, I don't like talking to you anymore."
"Why?"
"None of your business." Nakatingin lang siya sakin, hindi nagsasalita pero alam kong ina-assess na naman niya ko. So I went for the door and left.