Sliding Doors - 2 (English Version)

Chapter 29

This whole hiding-from-everything-and-everyone-thing is holding me back.
I can't think straight and I feel constantly under attack.
As if the world were going around us and waiting for us to make a false move to shout some bullshit at the entire population.
Like the whole world cares that Jo and I are together.Absurd.
Yet we always find ourselves in the same situation. Constantly. Cyclically.
We're always back to square one.

Jamie told me a thousand times: we don't have to expose ourselves.
During the films and the promotion, we even had to sign a contract that forbade any allusion to the fact that between me and Josephine there could be something that went beyond the pure professional relationship...
But now that we're not making any movies, we're not bound to any contracts...
Yet we cannot be free to live our life anyway.
It is as if they have eyes on us, always, constantly.
I don't care if I have to go around with a sweatshirt, hood and glasses to keep me from being recognized, but the idea of ​​having to hide from the world because I'm with the coolest girl on the planet is irritating.
Really.

Now she is walking away from me because she saw me dancing with this girl, I presume.
What am I doing?
I wonder whether to follow it or not.
The reason is simple.
Jo hates being the center of attention.
She hates the focus on her private life in general and I respect her for it.
I don't want to expose her to any gossip or anything that can make her feel bad.
Not even to do it on purpose, one of our fans is right here in front of me and her friends are a few steps away and she is looking at me, waiting for my answer.
How come I suddenly stopped and I'm not dancing anymore?
Simple: I want to follow my girlfriend but I can't.
I can't or don't want to, at this point the border is blurred.
Because if I follow her, I risk exposing her to some gossip.
At the same time if I stay here, I don't know if I risk losing it for a fool.

"Hero, can you hear me?" Rose asks again, this time slightly more concerned than before.
I blink quickly recovering contact with reality or at least I try!

"Eh? Yes, sure ..." I hint a smile

"Are you sure you're okay?"

No not at all.

"Do you want to go out for a moment?"

I realize that I have said aloud what I thought.

"Yes, I'll go out for a moment ... Excuse me!"
I don't wait for her answer and walk away in the direction Jo left a few minutes ago.
I have to find her again.
I'm really back to the drawing board.
I make space among the people who crowd the room and find Felix dancing with Christal.

"Hey!" I take him by the arm and go to his ear so that only he can hear me, even if from the very loud volume of the music I doubt that anyone else can hear me ...

"Have you seen Jo?" I look at him hopefully and he points me to a point in the room.

I thank him with a nod and continue in the direction my friend suggested.
The room ends on a porch overlooking a dimly lit garden.
I make my way through the people who dance and among others who chat outside, with the music whistling in my ears even if out here it is much lower and it is much better.
I look around for Josephine but I don't see anyone.
I keep looking for her and I am attentive to every person I pass, trying not to attract anyone's gaze and to keep a low profile.

Anything.
Disappeared into thin air.
Yet Felix said she was here!
Where could she have gone?
I take my cell phone and try to call her.
It rings several times but to no avail, no one answers.
I sigh and run a hand through my hair, trying to figure out what to do next.

She saw me with a girl and now who knows what she's thinking.
Her mind travels at 1000km / h and she will have made some films in her head to explain the situation.
Indeed, knowing she will have already thought of two thousand different scenarios, catastrophic and absurd.
I sigh again as I reach a dim bench in the garden.
I need to think and I can't be lucid enough.
I'm afraid I screwed everything up for bullshit.
Generally I would not be so insecure, but the fact of living far away and always constantly on the razor's edge, with the fear of being discovered, is sending me to the asylum.
Sometimes I seriously think it would be easier to just go back to being friends.
It would be silly, but certainly simpler.