Sliding Doors - 2 (English Version)

Chapter 71

Josephine

I should have known.Not everything lasts forever, right?It seemed too good to be true! Every day together, without ever separating us even for a minute! It seemed like a dream and for a while I believed it!The mini-holiday in Italy was nothing short of fantastic: we laughed, joked, cuddled, made love at all hours and walked around like two normal tourists!Sure, we had to hide from the sight of the people around us quite a few times, but it didn't matter because being together is what counts.

"Did you get everything?" I look at Hero and can't quite hide the sad look on my face since he started packing.Well, actually if we want to be more precise, I've been like this since Jamie called him asking if he was ready for the photo shoot with Ferragamo before leaving for Sofia, Bulgaria.Obviously he had forgotten about it and obviously hadn't told Jamie that he is now with me in Italy!Nobody knows about us and we intend to keep it a secret until the end!The problem now is that he has to catch a flight to London immediately, while I am going to Sofia alone.We had to interrupt our holiday together to make up for this 'emergency' in order not to reveal our secret to everyone!

Our flight to Sofia was scheduled for 5 days from now, but given the latest news Hero convinced me to leave earlier, promising to join me as soon as he finishes with Ferragamo.Seems like the logical thing to do, no?So why do I feel this grip in my stomach that won't leave me alone since this morning?

"Yes, I think so..." He looks around apprehensively "If I forgot something then will you bring it to me?"His eyes scan mine, stopping to observe me."Jo?" He calls me back and I wake up from my thoughts."What? Ah yes, of course... Don't worry!" I try to keep myself busy and start packing my suitcase too."Did you leave something at our house in London that you want to take to Bulgaria?"

At our house in London.
This sentence repeats on a loop in my brain.
Did he really say that?

- Yes, you! - I would like to answer like that but I don't want to play the little girl complaining about this change of plans.He's leaving for work and I can't say anything.It wouldn't be fair to complain now.
The same thing could have happened to me and I couldn't do anything about it!

"You are strangely quiet this morning..." He walks over, letting go of the suitcase.He gently strokes my cheek and I close my eyes, hoping I don't start crying right now.When did I become so emotional?I have no idea...We will be apart for a few days, we have been weeks and often months without ever hearing or seeing each other!How can this situation be worse than in the past?Oh God, I don't even know what I'm thinking anymore!Maybe he has some beautiful model waiting for him in the Ferragamo studios.Surely he must.One of those who sends him messages asking him to join her in the room.
God this sucks! Can you get any more desperate than that?

"Jo? Will you tell me what's wrong?" He asks looking intensely into my eyes.

I sigh looking at the ground.I can't tell him! I don't have to!"Nothing. I'm fine!" I hint a smile.

"Remember I have a sister?" He strokes my cheek.

What does that have to do with anything now?I look at him questioningly.

"When you girls say you have nothing, 99% of it is bullshit!"

I burst out laughing and I have to say, he's nailed it!"It's nothing, really... Stupid thoughts! It must be tiredness!" I sketch some excuses, the first ones I can think of.

"Jo we're on holiday... What tiredness are you talking about? Come on, let's go... Tell me what's wrong."

Nothing. He won't let go, huh?I feel stupid thinking about these things.The more I think about it, the more nervous I get!In less than an hour he'll be at the airport and I'll have plenty of time to think about how angry I am.Does any of this make sense?Maybe not.

"I left some clothes in London, but I don't think I'll need them in Sofia... I can buy something here! I have enough time before my flight tonight." I try hard to change the subject.

"I'm sorry I can't go with you, you know..."

"You'd be bored wandering around the shops!" I hint at a smile but I know he fully understands that's not the problem.

"I meant that I would like to fly with you to Sofia, without having to go back to London... And you know that!" He leaves a kiss on my lips and rests his forehead against mine as he welcomes me into his arms.

"I know you can't Hero, it's not your fault. It's about your job, you can't do otherwise!" I whisper, trying to remind myself as well.

"Yeah. We promised not to leave the job behind for any reason..." he reminds me.

"We also promised to always be together." I whisper in a broken voice.Oh fuck no, not the tears! Not now!

"Hey... It's only a few days, I'll join you very soon and we'll be together for months together!" He hugs me tightly to him, sinking his head into my hair. 

"We went through longer periods without seeing each other!" He reminds me.

I know. I know it perfectly well.And I also know that I'm getting used to her presence too quickly.
All this will hurt like hell when it ends.
When we don't have projects to carry out together and we live in two different parts of the world.As much as we promised to follow each other everywhere, even while shooting other films, I don't know how feasible this will be.During film shoots there is a lot of hustle and bustle, you need concentration and often you work crazy hours.It's not a job like any other.If I followed him to South Africa for example, in case they took him to shoot the new film, what would I do all day?Maybe we wouldn't see each other anyway...It doesn't make much sense like that. I already know what will happen.

"And you're lost in thought again." he points out looking me straight in the eye "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No..." I honestly admit. I have to get my head in order before I can tell him what I'm afraid of. Right now there are so many things that scare me that I don't even know what they actually are.I only know that all this now seems like a dream and will potentially turn into an endless nightmare!I can already see myself alone in L.A crying in despair because I haven't seen or heard from him in months. I could die inside!

"Don't think about that now, okay?" His lips find mine "As soon as you're ready to talk about it, whatever the problem is, we'll work it out together... Okay?"

I nod with little conviction.There's nothing we can do about it unfortunately and I don't even demand that he flies from London to LA all the time.
Just like he can't expect me to spend months in London if I have auditions to do in LA.I sigh and close my eyes.I am wasting the time I have with him with these fears that have been haunting me forever and now they have finally found me! How nice, don't you think?

"I can't go away and leave you like this. Really Jo, I won't leave if I don't see you calm!" He sits on the bed and takes me with him, taking my hand."Are you going to be sad like this all day?" he asks in a hushed voice as I settle between his legs, remaining standing.

I nod remaining silent, looking down.Good thing I didn't want to let him know anything. Congratulations Jo!

"Did I do or say something that bothered you?" He arranges my hair behind my ears in the sweetest caress.

"No, you didn't do anything..." I take a deep breath "I'm just sorry we're breaking up like this!"

"Hey! We're not breaking up!" He suddenly looks at me worriedly "What are you thinking?"

"We'll stay away from each other..." I sigh.

"Just a few days, I told you! I can't do otherwise..."

I have to stop now! Before he feels guilty about something like this.I wonder how many models are waiting for him.Oh God I don't want to think about it!

"I know..." I sigh and try to calm my thoughts.

"Jo, I love you you know that right?"

I nod and look into his eyes.We stay like that for a few interminable seconds and I lose myself in his gaze that made me fall madly in love with him.

"I love you too" I lean my forehead against his and take a deep breath again.

"So you don't have to be afraid of anything. Will you promise me that you'll try to be quiet?"I nod.I'm not convinced but I nod.What can I do?

"Good!" He kisses me on the forehead "I'll call you as soon as I land, okay?" I nod again "And you know I can tell if you're still sad, right?"

I sigh resignedly. I know perfectly well that he will notice.I also know perfectly well, however, that when he lands in London he will be sucked into all the commitments he has to fulfil in the shortest possible time.

"I'll see you in Sofia, okay?" He kisses me again and this time I immediately reciprocate by throwing my arms around his neck.

I will miss him like crazy and I already feel an emptiness inside.