Charlie and Nick: A Heartstopper FanFic

Made You Look

Charlie’s gaze drifted from Jeremy's bare abs to Nick's face. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t their way. He knew  Nick didn't want this, and Charlie only wanted him to be happy. It didn’t matter how hot Jeremy was, he wasn’t worth losing Nick. The discomfort on Nick's face was enough to throw Charlie into protective mode. He had been an idiot thinking this would be good for his partner or their relationship.

“What'd we decide?” Jeremy wondered, his handsome smile wide.

Charlie and Nick answered at the same time.

“Yeah,” Nick replied.

“No,” Charlie said before looking to Nick in surprise. “No,” he repeated, taking ahold of Nick’s hand.

With a somewhat apathetic shrug, Nick apologized to Jeremy before Charlie guided him out of the apartment. When they were back downstairs on the street, Nick spun Charlie around to face him. “What was that?”

“A mistake.”

They ordered a car and headed home in silence. Charlie was unsure Nick wanted to speak to him right now. During the ride, Nick simply stared out the window at the passing dark streets. The silence extended on and on, only relenting when they were in bed that night, side by side and staring up at the ceiling.

Finally, Nick spoke. “Why’d you change your mind?”

“Hm?” Charlie replied, requesting further information.

“I saw you, Char. You really wanted to go through with it. You were practically cumming in your trousers when he came out without a shirt on.”

“I was not!”

Nick only gave him a knowing look.

“I entertained the idea,” Charlie argued. “But I stopped it, didn’t I?”

Nick nodded, his eyes glazing over as he dove deep into an ocean of his own thoughts. “I’ve never seen you look at someone like you looked at him.”

Charlie shook his head in protest. “I look at you like that.”

“Its okay,” Nick assured him. “I get it. Jeremy's significantly better looking than I am.”

With a huff, Charlie sat up, crawled on top of Nick, and straddled his hips. “I disagree,” he smirked, nuzzling his nose against Nick's, teasing a kiss.

“Stop,” Nick requested meekly. “I'm serious. You want him, admit it.”

“I prefer you,” he said, resting their foreheads together. “It was a stupid idea. I’m so sorry I put you in that position. I could see how uncomfortable you were.”

“So,” Nick started, finally running his hands down Charlie’s back. “If I seemed comfortable, then you’d be with him right now.”

He was more upset than Charlie had imagined.

“I'm sorry,” Charlie repeated, a phrase Nick had at one time begged him to stop using.

Nick continued to rub Charlie’s back as he sat in his lap, but he seemed reluctant to look at him. “Well, I’m sorry you didn’t get to fuck Jeremy.”

Grabbing Nick by his cheeks, Charlie forced his fiancé to look at him. “I don’t want that. I thought it was a good idea for us and I was wrong.” He paused. “You agreed to it, too. Stop acting like I was trying to cheat on you.”

“I only went along with it because you were gonna do it with or without me,” Nick snapped. “’I could go for a nightcap.’ What the fuck, Charlie? You knew what you were walking us into.”

“We didn’t go through with it. Isn’t that what matters?”

Nick gripped Charlie by the hips before he tossed the smaller man off of him and back to his own side of the bed. He turned onto his side away from Charlie and muttered, “whatever.”

“Babe,” Charlie tried.

“Don’t,” Nick requested, furious but trying to keep his voice level and calm.

“Nick--"

“Leave me alone!” he shouted into his pillow, his knuckles white in clenched fists.

Charlie was undeterred, asking tentatively, “can we please talk about this?”

With his back still facing Charlie like a metaphorical wall between them, Nick replied so coldly that Charlie got chills. “Right now, I feel like if I even look at you, I might say something I can’t take back.”

Overcome by the realization that he had taken Nick’s difficult time and made it worse, Charlie digressed. His selfish curiosity and carelessness might have just cost him Nick's trust. Clueless as to what to do to mend tonight’s wounds, Charlie felt he should say one last thing. Then he would leave Nick alone and go to sleep.

With anxious heartache, Charlie reinforced what he hoped Nick remembered. “I still love you.”

Nick sighed and swallowed at a lump in his throat. “I still love you, too, Char. Get some rest.”