Con Brio: Todd and Ian's story

6) Ian

The band is back, squeezing hard, as they walk through the lounge of the hotel towards the lift. It had been easier,  this evening, in the restaurant, then browsing the night market as a foursome. Now that Brett and Eddy are giving each other these little glances he's seen so many times, that tell him how much they love each other, how much they want each other, his own heart feels like it might crumble. 
He's going to spend the night sleeping in one room with Todd. Gorgeous, demi-god Todd, who will lie there and breathe deeply as he sleeps. He could listen to him breathing all night, but he mustn't. He shouldn't. Todd is not his to listen to. Has anyone in the history of the world been more out of anyone else's league, than Todd is out of his?
Todd got some attention from a real cute guy, earlier in the restaurant, someone closer to his speed, but he didn't take him up on it. Why? Because he didn't like him? Or was it because he feels responsible for Ian, somehow? 
Ian squints as he feels the guilt flood his system. 
Is it just because of him that Todd is not out fucking that guy? He steps into the lift with the others and looks down at his shoes. Anywhere but at the boys in love. Anywhere but at Todd, whose benign smile at Brett and Eddy only makes him feel worse about himself. 

"So, you good?" Todd asks him neutrally as he closes the door to their room behind them both. 
"Yep, fine. I wanna get up on time if I can, get a little bit of practice in. You good with that?" he says quietly. 
"Sure. I'll set the alarm."
Todd eyes him for a moment, his eyes warm, loving almost, and the guilt in his heart grows. What did he ever do to deserve Todd as a friend? And why the fuck can't he just be happy with what he has? 
Ian takes his clothes off as Todd gets ready in the bathroom. No need for him to see his skinny, pale torso. He lies down in the bed and pulls the sheet over him. He'll brush his teeth tomorrow morning. Todd comes in after a minute, and Ian waits to see if he wants to talk, but Todd just lies down and fumbles around with his phone. 

 "It's cool here, right?" he asks softly after a while. 
"Yeah. It's awesome."
He can hear Todd's soft grin, and he knows the face that goes with it. God, he loves that face. Ian looks at the ceiling and waits again. 
"Good night, hey?"
"Yeah, you too."
He would say a thousand things more. He would tell him what he means to him, but he bites his tongue and turns on his left side, away from Todd. Mercifully sleep comes quickly, courtesy of traveling, and for a while he knows nothing about anything. 

---

"Ian." 
The voice comes through the fog, through the pain, through the hits. 
"Ian. Bro. Wake up, man."
He opens his eyes with a gasp. His heart is hammering in his chest and cold sweat is oozing out of every pore. Shit. He's had a nightmare. Oh, shit, and Todd has seen. 
"S-sorry." he stammers. "So sorry."
"Don't worry about it."
Todd is sitting on the edge of his bed, and he's so close he can smell a hint of the aftershave he wore yesterday. Tears prick behind Ian's eyes and he swallows quickly. 
"I'm good now, you should go back to sleep."
Something dances in Todd's sweet, sweet eyes. Pity? Is it pity? Then Todd moves his hand and puts it on Ian's shoulder. 
"Sure you're good?"
"Yeah. You sleep."

He stays awake for fear that the nightmare will come back. I mean, he doesn't even care so much about the dream itself, he's had it a thousand times before. But he doesn't want to disturb Todd, doesn't want him to be tired, and he definitely doesn't want to see pity again. So he lies and stares at the ceiling, at the bathroom door, at anything but his best friend, until at last it becomes light. The alarm clock is a relief, a reprieve. 
"Good morning." Todd grunts as he gets up. Ian turns around in bed and smiles at him. 
"Good morning."
Todd gets up with another grunt. White t-shirt, boxershorts, obvious morning wood even though he instantly turns his torso away from him. And Ian's seen it before, of course he has. How many rooms have they shared, growing up? He knows full well how big he is, how perfect. He casts his eyes away quickly and waits for Todd to lock the bathroom door before he looks up again.