Con Brio: Todd and Ian's story

17

He's frozen again, and try as he might he can't answer Eddy. He looks down at his knees, and he feels the tears coming, but he can't do anything to stop them. He takes a deep breath that shudders through his chest and looks up at his great friend. 
"Oh, mate." Eddy says softly, and he puts his hand on Todd's knee. The simple, sweet gesture and his tone, that doesn't judge, makes Todd cry for real. A tear rolls over and falls, just next to Eddy's hand. But he doesn't take the hand away. 
"I... I need to get over myself." Todd grunts. 
"Not right now, you don't. We have a little time. Talk to me." Eddy says, in that same sweet, soothing tone. 
"What's there to say?" Another tear rolls down and he swipes helplessly at it. "I fucked everything up, Eddy. Everything."
"What happened this morning?" Eddy asks as he squeezes his thigh.
Venom flows up in Todd like bile, and before he knows it he looks right at Eddy and bites. 
"What, you mean really early this morning?" he hisses. "That's what you want to know? I kissed him, Eddy. It was awesome. Everything I could ever have imagined. Then I sucked him, and he loved it, clearly. But then reality hit, Eddy, what do you think happened?"
The second he sees Eddy's kind face fall he could just go and jump off the roof of this building. What a complete and utter knob he is. Eddy is only trying to help. He doesn't deserve this. 
"You know that's not what I meant." Eddy says.
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry." he tells him contritely. 
"What happened this morning, Todd?"
Todd tries to get himself together. Takes a deep breath, then another. Look. Whatever else may be happening, Eddy is still talking to him. That's something, right?
"He hasn't spoken to me. Not a word." he tells him.
"Shit."
"So what do I do, Eddy? What the hell do I do to salvage what I had? Fuck, Eddy..." Todd shakes his head hard. "It was all I ever wanted and it was wrong, all wrong." Some dam is breaking, and maybe it's Eddy's reaction, but he can't help himself, he starts crying for real, like he is a fucking eight year old. Eddy puts his arm around Todd's shoulder and holds him, sits with him.
"Oh, Todd. I'm so sorry, mate." he whispers.
"'s my own fault. I got drunk. I'm an idiot." Todd looks up to Eddy through teary veils and before he knows it the real question is flowing out of him unhindered.
"Have I gone and ruined my life?" 
Eddy eyes him for a long moment, the sympathy obvious on his face. Oh, Eddy. Sweet, innocent Eddy. You would never go and take advantage of a guy, would you? 
"Do you... do you want me to talk to him?" Eddy asks him, almost politetly. "See how he feels, if he'll tell me, that is?"
He would do that for him? The sheer kindness makes him cry more. And he almost doesn't take it. I mean, it's his own mess, right, not Eddy's? He should be the one to fix it? But then he nods slowly. 
"Yeah. Would you?"
"Of course, are you kidding me? I just... I dunno, I don't know if he'll want to. But I'll try."
The tears are drying, and something lifts in him. He hasn't lost Eddy, clearly. At least he has that. On a whim he hugs him, hard.
"Thanks, Eddy." he says in his ear. He lets go and takes a deep breath. "You're a good friend. Alright. We should go and rehearse. I... I've got myself together, now. Sorry about this."
"Stop. Seriously. Todd. Cut it out." Eddy gets up and holds out his hand. "Come on, let's go rehearse."
He walks with him with determination. Whatever else happens, he's not fucking this up for the entire group. He's going to rehearse like a normal person, and that is that.