Con Brio: Todd and Ian's story

13) Todd

It's a bad idea to drink coffee, he knows that, but he needs it, because he's tired and he doesn't want to be tired. He wants to sit there and sip this weird wine they found and watch Source Code with Ian and his friends. It's a bit lame, no, to say he needs to go to sleep? He can sleep again when they're back in Brisbane. So he leaves Ian to take a shower and goes to grab a cappuccino in the lounge. He's only been there for two minutes when a very happy looking Brett and Eddy walk in. 
"Hey, guys, there you are! Did you have a good time?" he says with what he hopes is the enthusiasm his friends deserve. His stupid green eyed monster can stay hidden in the depths of him, thank you very much. Eddy plops down opposite him.
"The best time. You'd've loved it. Well, most of it, anyway."
He manages not to roll his eyes. 
Yeah, Eddy, like I didn't already know what you were going to do. 
"Cool." he says out loud, then tells them in quick words what he and Ian have been up to. Well. The version they can hear, anyway. Invites them up to the room to watch the film and drink the wine.
"Absolutely, bring it on. We just can't get drunk again, because tomorrow we're rehearsing." Eddy says.
"Would I get drunk? Never." he quips. But actually, he knows that it'll make it easier if he does, just a little. He'll sleep. He won't overthink things. He won't be stupidly jealous of these two guys he loves so much. He won't think back of the afternoon he and Ian had, sitting in the pizzeria together, so much like a date that he could almost think... almost believe... 
"Uhuh, yeah. So you didn't have a headache this morning?"Brett ribs him.
"Fuck you, Brett."
"Now, now, no fighting, kids, let's just go upstairs." Eddy quips as he gets up and starts walking towards the lift. Todd follows him and allows their happiness to wash over him. Maybe, just by being close to them, it'll rub off on him, and he'll be happy too. He used to be, right? He can be again, right? 

Back in the room he glugs down a beer on the double, just to relax, takes another and shoves a chair next to Ian's bed. Brett and Eddy are already starting their lovebirding on his bed. He can do with the liquid relaxation, because he wants to sit next to Ian and not worry about anything apart from the film. He pours the wine and hums appreciatively as he takes a sip. 
"This is super good!"
He sips with gusto as he starts the film.

After the third glass of wine he knows it's been a mistake to start drinking. Is it because of yesterday? He's not sure, but his head is already swimming a little and there are tears, stupid, useless tears, pressing right underneath his eyes. So he pours himself another drink and swallows them away. He needs to stop this obsessing. He needs to go back to where he was, with Ian as his best friend, and nothing more. He needs this, for his own sanity. So by the time he gets up to change the film he's had most of a bottle of wine and he's a bit unsure of his step.
Look, he knows it's the stupidest thing in the world, he's surrounded by his friends, but he suddenly feels so lonely he just wants to curl up in a ball. And his neck hurts from sitting in the uncomfortable chair. He drains his glass and puts it down. Then he walks back to the bed and prods Ian in the shoulder.
"Move over, bro. I need to sit comfortably, that chair is doing my back in."
Ian doesn't say a word, he just moves over and Todd climbs on his bed.
Look, is this smart? Probably not. But the buzz from the alcohol has numbed him. Even the tears are quiet, now that he sits down, now that Ian is just beside him. Is this so bad? Best friends can share, right? He leans back and tries to relax as the world starts to fade around him. 
Being drunk is good. 
Ian stirs beside him and he smiles at him.
"Ian."
"Yeah?"
"I'm pretty drunk."
Ian shrugs. 
"Yeah, me too."
The tears press up again and then fade away with the world. Everything is soft, now, muted. Like someone turned the colours down. And he's so comfortable here, sitting next to Ian. He could just fall asleep like this, next to this beautiful, loving man. His head sinks down and he breathes deeply, happily.
"Toddy." Ian says softly. "Your head is on my shoulder."
Todd almost giggles.
"Yep. I know."
Ian seems to shrug, then settles in beside him.
"Okay."