Con Brio: Todd and Ian's story

19

What's there to pretend, now? Eddy clearly knows how fucked up he is, and he's done hiding it. If Eddy's so desperate to see, let him. He sinks down on the foot of his bed and buries his face in his hands, but weirdly his breath is a bit calmer now. He's not crumbling yet. Eddy sits down beside him and talks to him in the kindest tone. 
"So."
Is it the way he says it? Is it because Eddy's presence seems to actually make it a little better? He's not sure, but he finds himself spilling more. 
"Yeah. I made a huge mistake last night." he says, looking out at the street. Understatement of the year. Mistake. If only it had been just a mistake. Eddy sits in silence, clearly waiting for him to carry on. So he does. 
"Look, you were there, you saw it happen, right? How the fuck did that just happen? Where the fuck did that come from?" he says. There are tears in his voice, he can hear them, he can hear the crescendo. He knows he's not in control. 
"I'm so sorry, Ian." Eddy says in that same, kind tone. "You must be so confused." 
He turns to him and he knows his eyes are spitting fire. Why did Eddy come here anyway? He shouldn't be here, he should be out, having fun, not sitting here with him. 
"Confused?" he says harsher than he intends. "No, Eddy. I'm not confused. I'm just in a whole fucking world of trouble."
"Wait, what?"
He knows it would be better to shut up, but the words have started falling and he's powerless to stop them. Eddy wants to know, right?
"I had the best orgasm of my fucking life there, yesterday." he says, pointing at the cushion on his bed. "From the greatest guy in the world. And yeah, I was drunk, too drunk to stop myself. But not so drunk I can't remember every fucking detail, Eddy. And now what am I supposed to do with my life?"

So now Eddy knows, and he can see the shock spread on his face. He hadn't suspected a thing, clearly. Ian's breaths are coming fast, the precious control over his consciousness slipping. 
"But... the greatest... Ian, whoa... you gotta tell me... how do you feel about Todd?" Eddy says hoarsely. 
Ian shrugs and looks down. He's said it now, right?
"Isn't it obvious, Eddy? I... oh, fuck, man. I can't believe I'm telling you this. I like him, okay?"
Eddy's mouth falls open, his eyes open wide. It would be funny, if his life weren't ruined. 
"Fuck, are you serious? But you... you're straight, right?"
Ian scoffs. 
"I haven't been straight around Todd for a long time, Eddy. I mean, you know the guy. He's awesome. Just... he's everything. What more could I ever want? But he's way, way out of my league. I've always known that. I mean, what am I supposed to tell him?"
It's probably the longest sentence he's said to Eddy all week, but it doesn't have the effect he thinks. He expects disgust, or maybe commiserations, but instead Eddy digs out his phone. 
"Jesus Christ." he says as he slides his finger across the screen. "Ian... Jesus. Okay. Look, just trust me. You sit there, don't move. Hey, Brett? Please take him up to his room, this second. Okay? Yep. Now, please."
Panic sweeps over Ian. No, no, no. Eddy can't do that, he can't, can he? Is he going to tell on him? Why would he betray his confidence like that? Is he setting out to ruin him completely? He starts hyperventilating and he grabs his sides with both his arms to regain control.
"No, Eddy!" he shrieks. "No! You can't tell him."
Eddy nods.
"I won't. I never would. But trust me. You should. If you trust nothing else I say, ever, trust this."
"But why?" he whispers, but before he knows it the door bursts open and Brett and Todd walk in. Eddy gets up and pulls Todd towards the bed. 
"You. Guys. Need to talk, right now. Ian, tell him what you told me. Trust me. Tell him."
He can't, he can't. No, no. Todd walks over to him and sits down, eyes him worriedly. 
"Ian, I... mate, are you okay?"

It's like a car crash, happening in slow mo. But something changes in the room, because suddenly he sees, bright as day, that Eddy is right. Todd deserves the truth. His breathing slows, and the world stops turning, like someone has pressed the pause button. He looks up at Todd, at the man he loves so, so much, and says the words that have been pressing up at him forever. 

"I like you. I'm so sorry. I do."