Con Brio: Todd and Ian's story

41) Ian

Trigger warning: talk of sexual abuse

"You have absolutely nothing to apologise for." Ian says quietly. His whole body has stilled with what Todd has just told him. He remembers as well, now that Todd has said, when it must have been. It must have been that one Sunday morning when Todd came to their regular breakfast place with red eyes. When he wouldn't sit down, but insisted on walking to the park. When he wasn't talking. When he claimed allergies, even though Todd's not allergic to a thing, unlike Eddy, who can't walk through a grass field without a full box of tissues at the ready. 
Fuck it, why hadn't he pressed then? 
Would it have helped? 
Todd is crying, he knows. He hears his laboured breaths. But he knows better than to comfort him. Not yet. Todd wouldn't want him to. 
"Can I ask why you never said anything?" he asks then. Todd shrugs. 
"To what end? To put attention on it? It would just be he said, he said, right? And look, the guy probably doesn't even remember any of it because he was super drunk. After he was done with me he wobbled to the bathroom and started hurling. I got out of there asap."
"So... that's what you were scared you'd done to me?" Ian asks, very quietly. 
Todd sobs once, and that is his cue, he pulls him in, pulls his head on his chest, his arms around Todd's torso, his hands on his back. 
"God, I'm sorry." Todd sobs. "Yes. I saw that it hurt you and... I felt so guilty. It brought it all back. I've... never fucked a virgin before."
"Okay." Ian says calmly. There is something about this situation that changes something in him so profoundly. He has always looked up to Todd so much, in everything, but here he is, vulnerable. Needing him. 
He needs to step up and be enough, for Todd. He has to be enough for himself as well. 
"Toddy." he says quietly, but confidently. "I asked you to, realising full well it might hurt a little. I also trust you implicitely. I knew that if I asked you to stop you would, straight away. Yes, it hurt some. You have the most gorgeous dick. I just have to get used to it there. Okay? It was nothing I couldn't take, nothing at all comparable to what you've just described. Fuck, did the guy even use lube?"
Todd shakes his head against his chest.
"Jesus." Ian hisses as he sees a younger, hurt Todd in his mind's eye, confused, scared, damaged. And he never knew. "Look. You did nothing wrong tonight, Todd. Nothing at all. I could have gone longer, even. Fuck, you saw me come all over your belly, right? You must realise I enjoyed it?"
Todd nods. Then he takes a deep, shuddering breath. 
"I shouldn't have done that though. I should have just started you on a butt plug."
"I asked you to do that, Toddy. And knowing what I know now I wouldn't take it back. I love that it was you that was in me first. Although... I won't say no to that other thing you said." 
Ian smiles to himself as he says it. God. That feeling, of Todd's finger there. He can feel it now, and although this really isn't the time he could quite happily get excited all over again just thinking about it. It's just as good as sex. No, it's better. 
Todd takes another deep, deep breath and he seems to square himself, somehow.
"Okay, so look." he says after the longest moment. "I'm okay, I promise. I just hadn't seen this one coming, okay? It's you, it's us, you're pulling out everything that was hidden. I'm alright though, honest."
Todd kisses him gently, and Ian knows that he has him back. His tone has calmed, as well, with just a hint of the swagger he knows and loves. 
"Hiding sucks." Ian says then. 
"You're right. Let's not do it anymore."
"Okay." 
"You ready to sleep?" 
There is an undertone to Todd's voice that he's starting to recognise. And he knows he can say yes, and Todd will be fine. But he knows he can also say something else. 
"I'd like the bedtime story about prince charming now, please." he says quietly.