Con Brio: Todd and Ian's story

36) Todd

It makes absolutely no logical sense, but Todd is nervous as he closes the door of their room behind him. It's been a great day, it's been awesome to show Ian off as his boyfriend, and it's been gratifying to see Eddy doing better. So why is he shaking now? Hasn't he been with many guys? Why is this different? 
But he knows why, of course, as he walks further into the room and Ian is eyeing him shyly. 
Those guys never meant what Ian means. 
Those guys usually knew what they wanted out of their entanglement with him. 
Now everything is different, because it's up to him to help Ian find out what he likes, what he doesn't. What if he decides at some point he doesn't like being with Todd anymore? He can catch a glimpse of how much that would hurt, just thinking about it. 
He'll go to the end of the world to make it good for him, though. Even if that would mean being without him. 

"Hey, why are you so far away?" Ian asks gently, with a hint of worry to his tone. Todd smiles at him. 
"Sorry. Just... thinking."
"About?"
Todd smiles again. 
"You. I want you to be happy."
Ian walks over, takes his hand, and pulls him with, to the bed. 
"Do you think I'm not?"
"Er, no, it's not that." Todd says as he lets himself be pulled down. "Um."
Look. He spent a year hiding, not saying what really he should have. And what did that bring him? He nods to himself.
"Um, I guess... I'm just not used to feeling this... vulnerable." he admits. 
Ian's eyes open wide, like he's just told him the least expected thing in the world. Todd shrugs. 
"I've always been in control. With you, now... how I feel..."
Ian eyes him for a long moment, half amazed, half sober. Then he nods. 
"I still can't believe you feel that way."
"I still can't believe you do either."
Ian takes a deep breath, and when he speaks again there's a depth to his tone that takes Todd aback. 
"Todd. Look. I... I don't think how I feel about you will ever change. Okay?"
Todd smiles, he can feel his spirits lifting at Ian's words, but then he shakes his head. 
"It's not your responsability, Ian, that I'm feeling insecure. That's for me to deal with."
"I know. Can I be very honest, though?" Ian asks, very softly. 
"Of course you can."
Ian shrugs and grabs his hand hard. 
"It helps me believe, Toddy. Everything you've done today... what you're telling me now. It gives me a footing I don't think I've ever had."
Todd tries his hardest to hold back the tears that are just underneath his eyelids. 
"I'm only insecure because I've never loved someone before."  he admits.
Ian is quiet for a long moment, taking both his hands in his. There is a calmness to him, a groundedness. There always has been, but Todd has never known until now how much he's always needed that. 
"Okay. So what if I promise?" Ian says. 
"Promise what?"
Ian smiles softly. 
"That I will never leave."
Todd blinks. 
"You can't know that."
"Yeah, I can."
Todd sits in silence, not knowing what to say. How have the tables turned so quickly? 
"Why?" he asks.
"I dunno. Because I'm not like most people."
Ian's words are as simple as they are honest, and Todd smiles as he feels some of his swagger return. 
"I know. I can't tell you how glad I am about that."
Ian looks at him as if he can't believe what he's hearing, and for now the unfamiliar feeling sinks away and Todd winks at his love. 
"I'll promise you too, then. I'll never leave you."
He doesn't get a chance to say anything else, because Ian has launched himself at him and knocks him back onto the bed, his lips finding his own like they've been doing this forever.