Con Brio: Todd and Ian's story

47) Ian

How can he ever explain to Todd what his presence meant? He's feeling better, now that the tension has been released. He is tired, like always after an attack, but not nearly as tired as normal. And as he washes his hands, tries not to look at the pale face in the mirror, and follows his love back to the table, he knows that it's because Todd was there, holding him. 
He could cry now, just thinking about how sweet he was. How he knew just what to say to him. Can he explain to him later that it was much less bad this way? 
His promise to let Todd in wars with his desire to not inconvenience him. But he's still here now, right? He's seen it now? He hasn't run away, has he? 
He sits back down in his place and finds he actually has an appetite, for once. Chopsticks are great, because you only need one hand. You can put the other one on your boyfriend's thigh and nobody will notice. Apart from Todd himself, of course, who eyes him sideways and winks. 
He smiles back, because he doesn't have the nerve for winking, then he manages to chat a little bit about the pieces the orchestra are playing to the cello on his other side. Has he ever been this okay after an attack? He knows the answer already. 

Okay, so as the whole group is walking back to the venue he is well aware that he is leaning on Todd too much today, and he shouldn't, he really shouldn't. But then... is it so bad, just for one day? One scary day? The venue looks just as imposing as it did earlier, but Todd's hand in his is firm, and warm, and encouraging. 
Todd thinks he's a decent violist. He really does, he could see that he wasn't lying when he told him that in the bathroom earlier. They walk into their dressing room hand in hand and he swallows once, twice. 
"Guys, can we just run through the first pages?" he asks softly, and Eddy nods straight away. 
"Of course." he says. 

Before he knows it they are standing in a concrete hallway, waiting to get on stage. And oh, it would be so easy to freak out, to fall back into panic mode, but Todd is there, leaning him against the concrete wall, giving him little kisses, whispering in his ear. 
"You are awesome." he whispers. "Do you have any idea what you mean to me? What you did for me, last night?"
Ian shivers slightly at the words. He's not even sure right now if Todd means it, he's definitely  not sure whether he deserves it, but once again the words do what they were designed to and he feels just a little bit of that strength he felt last night returning. Todd glances to his right, to where Brett and Eddy are standing, quietly staring into space, then he takes Ian's hand and strokes it gently over his crotch. 
Ian's eyes fly open and he eyes him incredulously, then a smile spreads on his face. 
"See?" Todd whispers. "You're all mine, and you will rock this."
"I love you." he whispers back. Todd's eyes light up. 
"Oh yeah?" he teases and Ian nods. 
"Yep."
Todd leans forward and kisses him sweetly, just a little peck on the lips. 
"Good. I love you too."

They walk on stage to the applause of a full crowd, but Ian is on a cloud right now. He doesn't even look at the audience, his eyes are on Todd, and then on Eddy, waiting for their A. 
Tuning is a breeze, today. Todd believes in him. He sits back a tiny bit and smiles at Eddy, who breathes with them as they start.  

He's got this.