Con Brio: Todd and Ian's story

61) Ian

Todd looks at him with shocked, wide eyes, glistening with tears he's not willing to shed, Ian knows. So he smiles at him. 
"It's okay, Toddy. I should have done this ages ago."
It's true, as well. It's like a dark blanket that has been wrapped around his shoulders has been lifted, has blown away. 
"He called it a violin." Todd blurts out, and Ian smiles again. 
"Yeah. Being aware of what was going on in my life was never one of his strong points."
Todd staggers back, dragging him with, sitting down on the edge of the bed. 
"Jesus. So that's it? How are you feeling?"
Ian sits down beside him and sinks into his embrace. 
"I'm okay, Toddy. I am. I have a real family now."
"Jesus, baby. I can't... I mean, I know some of it. But I can't imagine what it was like."
"You don't have to. It's ancient history. I can do without the toxicity."
"Is this because of me?" Todd says softly. "Did I cause this?"
"In the best possible way." Ian whispers back. He knows why Todd is asking, of course. Todd always feels responsible for everything, he's well aware, but he doesn't have to, now. There's no need, not anymore.
"You've given me hope, Toddy." he says gently. "A life. A real one, not just one where I exist and nothing more. Even if you'd turn your back on me now I'd be forever different because you've loved me. I never knew what that was like before."
Todd looks up at him. 
"I always loved you, baby. So do Brett and Eddy. So do our other friends."
"I'm starting to see that now." Ian nods. "You know, I once told Eddy a bit about things, way back when in that park? I had bruises. I was upset. He was so nice. Took me home. His mum fed me."
Todd shakes his head sadly. 
"Eddy's a good guy. A real good guy."
"I know. Don't tell them about this, please. They have enough on their plate as it is. I don't want to burden them."
Todd eyes him seriously for a moment. Then he nods. 
"I would never tell them anything you didn't want me to. But... I do think... maybe think about it some more? They would be nothing but supportive."
Ian blinks. Would they? I mean... they would. He knows that. He remembers that scene in the park as if it were yesterday. He remembers how warm Eddy's house felt, he remembers how warm and kind his mum was, how fresh and good the food. Brett and Ian have given him a home, too. But yet...
"I'll think about it." he tells his love. 
Todd squeezes him against him. 
"Sleep?"
"Yes please."
"Okay." Todd says. "But under one condition." He watches him again, his eyes firy and almost stern. "You promise me you'll wake me up if you're sad. Or scared. Or anything. I want you to. I don't want you lying there, awake, alone. Okay?"
Ian almost cries at the words. They sink into him, into his heart, into his soul. Words like he's never heard before. There's no way he could ever begin to explain to Todd what they mean. 
"This is why." he whispers, his voice giving away more emotion than he'd like it to. "This."
"Why what?"
"Why earlier. Why I had the strength to do what I should have sooner. You. It's always you."
Todd shrugs. 
"I mean it though. Please?"
Ian nods, even though he knows full well he can't really promise. 
"Okay."

Todd moves the quilt back on his bed. 
"You know... " he says gently. "Before we left for Taiwan I was looking at this bed, at how empty it was. Now you'll be in it."
Ian moves himself back and lies down on the left side of the bed, allows Todd to pull the quilt over him, watches as he moves around the bed. He eyes his love as he slides in beside him, not quite believing the sober, honest words he has just said to him. He means that to someone. 
He really does.
"Where you belong." Todd whispers as he puts his arms around him and pulls him in again..