Sunset Lake {h.s.}

09

I'm a fucking idiot.

Those four words continued to repeat themselves over and over again inside my head. I can't help but feel overwhelmed by my thoughts. I promised myself I would never want another relationship or want to fall for someone again. My life has always been a nightmare. Sometimes I believe that I have been cursed because nothing but chaos follows me.

After I left Matildas my first stop was a small liquor store in the town. I purchased a bottle of vodka and now I am strolling through the streets making sure I finish the bottle. Normally when I'm frustrated with myself I overwork myself. I hide from my problems and do nothing but work. I take all my bottled up anger and use that as energy to either make a new wine or think of new towns to sell my wine in.

I'm too tired to work so I thought drinking would be the next best option for tonight. Before I met Matilda my life here was quiet. I've had a perfect streak of nothing bad happening. Not that meeting Matilda was bad, I just was getting used to feeling at peace. Then I met Matilda and I haven't been the same.

The way her lips melted into mine. Her hands perfectly wrapped around my waist in a loving yet needy way. I never felt anything like it. I never felt this way about someone. I didn't feel this way when I was with her.

Matilda made me smile and I couldn't help it. There was an ethereal beauty to Matilda, she had a honeyed-toned, beautiful, and soothing. I can feel her take control. When she's near the sun shines brighter than ever before. It feels like a fever dream sometimes. Being around her I can hear the birds chirping, I can see the smiles on people's faces, and the sky has never looked so blue.

She's golden and I'm out of my head.

I bring the bottle of vodka up to my lips and take another sip. Looking around at the different street signs I suddenly remember I know this area. I've lived in Positano since I was 18. My brother and I used to spend every summer in Italy with our parents. We grew to love it here, it became our second home. Since I spent most of my life living here I had a good sense of direction, drunk or sober.

I'm one street away from my brothers' house. I smirk to myself and begin to pick up the pace. I didn't care what time it was, I wanted to pay my dear older brother a visit.

My feet continue to stumble along the uneven cobblestone. The tip of my shoe gets caught on a crack which sends me flying onto the ground. My body crashes down and I don't feel a single thing. The alcohol saved me from feeling the pain, but I knew I'd feel it in the morning.

I lay on my stomach and make myself roll over. Now laying on my back, I spread my arms and legs out. My eyes continue to look at the stars lighting up the sky.

"I don't know if you can hear me," I begin to say, "but I never wanted to move on. I don't deserve to. I don't know what to do, D. Give me a sign or something."

Nothing.

"Hey!" I shouted, "Can you hear me?!"

Silence.