Sunset Lake {h.s.}

36

Warmth kisses my skin. Every visible square inch is soaking itself in the ultraviolet. I desperately needed to feel the power of it. To let it consume every fiber of my being. The pain needed to be taken away. The misery overtook my body and I haven't been able to stop it.

Somehow my body tingles from the heat but I can't feel it. I sit here, desperate to feel something, and yet I can't. I fear the heartache is much stronger than the sun. Maybe my mother lied to me, the sun rays don't have any power. Perhaps all they do is illuminate our skin until it's either golden or burnt.

My entire life all I believe are lies after lies; I'm a fool, a loving fool. All I've ever wanted was for someone to stay and love, but who could ever love someone broken like me? Harry doesn't, so why keep searching for something that isn't meant to be mine? The want for it all overpowered everything.

Wanting was enough, for me it was enough.

I've been living for the hope of it all. Loving someone so insanely that it consumes every part of me. Some people dream of traveling, landing a job, and buying a house, but for me...I dream of being loved. Is it hard to love me? Am I unloveable? Is that why Harry said nothing? Has our entire summer romance been exaggerated inside my mind? I don't know what to believe anymore, everything hurts.

Maybe I jumped the gun and spooked him. I left him speechless with my words, but how did he not see it coming? Does he not realize the effect he has on me? His own brother can see my love for him.

Even though my heart is aching, I decided to meet him at the winery. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I hoped today was the day he'd say it to me. He could have needed a day to get his thoughts together. I'm like that on some days, today could either fix everything or make it worse.

I'm terrified.

Sitting out on the balcony, I wait for him. I haven't said a word to Lainey about any of this, which made me feel worse. She's the person I go to for comfort and I can't tell her because I know she'll tell me to kick him to the curb. I can't do that either.

I'm suffering alone, maybe that's the best thing I can do for now. At the end of the day, all I have is myself, all I can rely on is myself, and even though it really sucks it's how my life works.

I don't wanna be alone.

"Matilda!" Harry shouts from behind. Turning my head over my shoulder, I see his bright smile.

My heart sinks when I see the happiness illuminating his face. I wanted to feel that, but my body was rejecting any amount of joy I wished for. It was like I'm not even here. I felt so detached from the world.

My eyes analyzed him, he was completely shirtless. He wore wide-leg trousers as well as a yellow fisherman-style hat on his head. My god, his body was golden in the sunlight. Maybe it's my imagination but I swear I could see his skin glistening.