Sunset Lake {h.s.}

41

Not a single cloud in sight. The great blue sky welcomed everyone with open arms. The sun beats down, the ultraviolet rays sending small kisses to my brain to boost my serotonin. The radiant energy is usually enough to lift the corners of my lips into a small smile, but I kept them together in a firm line.

Curling my hand into a fist, my fingertips touch the palm of my hand, and my eyes widen from the clamminess. I hadn't realized how much my nerves were making me sweat. Also, the humidity of the heat didn't help. The sun was blazing down upon us, causing our bodies to shed a layer of our skin, drip by drip with the sweat. I quickly rub my palms down my dress to wipe it off. Then, I gave my body a little shake to loosen up. Rolling my head back and forth, wanting my anxiety to disappear. However, I knew it was going nowhere. 

I stood at Harry's front step, working up the courage to knock on his door. I didn't really have a reason to be anxious. I believed it was more so the guilt eating away at me. Today, I planned to put everything on the table with Harry and where I wanted our relationship to go. If he disagreed, sadly, we'd have to go our separate ways. I didn't want that for us, and my gut told me he didn't want that either. But I don't know what he will think once I tell him about the plane tickets.

What am I supposed to say if he asks me to stay?

That question was the next thing I wanted to hear: besides, I love you. My heart knew I belonged here; Italy had captured my soul, and this was my home. Yet, the voices in my mind kept screaming at me to go with Lainey. Those dark ones aren't afraid to tell me how much of a horrible friend I'd be to waste that money and have Lainey travel alone. What if something were to happen to her? I could never live with myself for sending her to see the world independently while I stayed in my Italy love bubble. I have to go, there's no other choice.

I've been up all night, making a pro and con list about this situation. I also couldn't sleep because I kept picturing Harry's face from yesterday. When he learned I spoke to Viviana, it was like a punch to the gut. The look in his eyes wasn't betrayal but terror mixed with disappointment. I understand giving her the time of day would hurt him, but I needed to explain. I don't know why I let her speak. I was so out of it I wasn't living. I was more so just existing. I felt disassociated from the world, and nothing felt real anymore. The time has stopped but also passed in the blink of an eye. I lost half of my heart once I believed Harry was no more.

Now, it was finally time for him and me to talk. We'd be alone, and there couldn't be any interruptions. Which is what we needed and I felt the obligation to apologize to Harry for Laineys behavior yesterday. I knew she also had to do it herself, but I still had to put it out there. Thinking of the words she said and the way she acted sends a rush of rage through me. He never deserved to take a punch like that.

Finally deciding to bite the bullet, there's been enough time and distance between us that it's time for us to talk. Inhaling a deep breath, I brought my knuckles up to the door and loudly knocked three times. Quickly swinging my arms behind my back, I hold my hands together while rocking my body back and forth on the heels of my shoes.