Bad Intentions (Book One)

Chapter 44

I shot awake from a nightmare. It took me a second to realize I was in my room and not stuck in the darkness. I could hear noise coming from the kitchen and the feeling of utter dread and loneliness left me.

I pulled myself out of the bed and looked at the clock to see that it was already nine thirty in the morning. I guess everyone decided to let me sleep in.

I ran my fingers through my hair and realized that I was shaking. The nightmare must have shaken me more than I realized. It was one I had offen and although it's not as tramitizing as the new ones I have been having sense moving here it's still terrifying.

It was always the same thing. It would start off as a pleasant dream. Billy and I would be together. Sometimes doing nothing but watching tv, but the more I would get into the dream it would start to fall apart. Billy always disappears, and I'm left alone and scared.

I would frantically try and find him, but I never could. The panic would set in as I realized I was never going to find him.

Then when I am at the peak of panic everything fades away and I am left in utter darkness. There is nothing around me but a void. Not sky, no lights, or buildings, nothing but darkness. That's when I realize I am alone. Not only is Billy gone but everyone else is as well. The sadness and pure agony that comes next is so overwhelming that I always wake up.

Once I'm awake it takes a whole for the feelings to fade away. But I always feel like something horrible is going to happen. Happen to Billy and everyone I love. But it never does. Every day goes on like the last.

I tried telling my mom about them when they started and she thought I was crazy and put me on sleeping meds which I hated so I stopped talking about it. I talk to Billy leaving out the part about him of course. I don't want to worry him more than he already was.

But every time I thought about our future together the same feeling overwhelmed me and I can not figure out why. Billy and I were real and I know it but why can't I never feel good when I think about our future? I thought as I stepped out of my bed.

I knew Neil was home by now. He usually got home around eight and would eat something and go straight to bed.

I walked out of my room and directly into the dining room to see Max and Billy sitting at the table quietly while Mom was cooking pancakes. She always did this after one of Neil's fits. She would try and play mom to make up for the fact that she lets Neil get away with the way he treats us.

"Come honey sit down. I made breakfast." She said as she plaited some pancakes and eggs for me.

"I'm not hungry, " I told her.

"You need to eat." She told me.

I walked over to the fruit basket on the counter and grabbed an apple.

"Happy?" I asked her.

"I would be happier if you eat a real breakfast." She told me.

"And I would be happier if you didn't marry Neil." I told her, causing her head to snapp in the direction of her bedroom door as if he would appear because I said his name.

"Leslie please." She begged me and I knew she wasn't talking about the food anymore.

I sat there in silence and ate my apple.

"I'm taking a shower." I said as I got up and walked to my room to grab clothes and then disappeared into the bathroom.

I took a quick shower knowing if I took too long I would be yelled at for wasting the hot water and got dressed before brushing my hair and teeth and then made my way back out into the kitchen.