Troubled [h.s.]

23

"Cheers to my new hair and cheers to fucking life because my boyfriend is mad at me and I am too drunk to care because my best friend died in my arms." I raise my shot glass up into the air and Liam raises his whiskey glass. We clink them and down them afterwards.

After Liam got me into his car and drove away, it took me a long time to digest it. I don't think I have digested it now either. We came to this shitty bar and started drinking.

I got on the stage and danced for awhile when one of the dancers started talking to me on the stage. She mentioned one of the trans girls giving other girls makeovers backstage. I sneaked in and got my hair cut up to my chin and dyed it blonde, like my roots. It was spontaneous and it really helped me move my attention from Zayn a bitt.

Then we continued drinking and I took a half an hour nap on the bar when I think Liam called Harry. I got mad at him first because I had told Harry I would be back early and him finding me with Liam would look weird and I am not ready to tell him about Zayn. Not yet. I don't know, I think too much on a daily basis and being tipsy makes it worse. I can only stop when I am hammered like now.

Thats why I don't feel any regret of talking to Harry like that. I can't feel any sadness for Zayn either. Alcohol.

"Do you think we should have went with Harry? I don't think we can get out the bar alone." Liam whispers in my ear and I start giggling. Thinking further and making plans is not what I do when I am drunk. I choose to ignore it completely.

"Llamas. Llamas is what we need Liam. Now go to sleep." I put my index finger on his lips and order another shot. The bartender gives me a sharp look but pours it anyway. I down it while spilling some on me. I can't care though.

"Why do all the good ones die Liam?" I ask focusing on a broken piece of wood of the bar and furrowing my eyebrows. The alcohol is overwhelming me and I feel like I am burning everywhere, my attention span is down to 4 seconds and my head is twice its size.

"Imagine..." Liam burps lightly "Imagine you are in a field. Which flowers do you pick?" he asks moving his empty whiskey glass around. I furrow my eyebrows and think hard, which gives me a headache.

"The most beautiful ones." I answer which makes Liam grin.

"Exactly." he responds and orders another whiskey. I roll my shot glass around, focusing on the droplet of tequila in the glass. Zayn over dosed. What made him over dose? What could I have done if I went there earlier? When he woke up after vomiting, did he notice me and knew I came after all? Was he in pain? Was my Zayn okay?

"Fuck." I curse as the familiar ache sits back on my chest. Liam pats my back for support but it does not do any good.

"Think of it this way." Liam holds my chin and makes me look at him. I do and try to keep my eyes open.

"Life and Death have been in love for longer then we have words to describe. Life sends countless gifts to death... And death keeps them forever." Liam downs his glass and I notice he becomes poetic when he gets drunk. He gets drunk so rarely that I have not picked it up before.

"I need to find Harry and tell him I am sorry and I am an asshole." I try to get off the stool but I can't find my feet. I try to jump off but Liam stops me.

"I have to go Liam. He is the best thing thats ever happened to me. He will wait out for me. I need to go back to the hotel. Otherwise, he won't sleep." I blab but half of the time I can't even make a sound.

Liam lets me go suddenly and I face palm the hard floor. My cheek bone burns as I try to push myself off the floor. Suddenly, the floor becomes the wall and I loose gravity.