Troubled [h.s.]

61

By the time I take a shower, remove my nail polish, cut and file all 20 nails, paint them a dark burgundy color and brush my hair as well as brush my teeth its 2 AM. I put on my boy shorts and a huge tie dye shirt that Rose did for me years ago. I walk out of my room to Louis'. He is sitting on the bed, also taken a shower, fiddling with his phone.

"I am so hungry. I haven't eaten anything all day- yesterday and today." I say and sit beside him. My stomach grumbles when I think of food and on top of that, I am on my period so I am eating 3x than I normally do.

"What do you want?" He asks. His eyes are worried, voice soft. He looks at me like I am a fragile glass vase that can break by someones breathe. I know I am not good, physically or mentally but I am also very tired. I can't think and try to fix everything at once. I need time.

"Anything greasy or fried also chocolate." I admit. He smiles. I know he figured out I am on my period, he knows everything. I am just glad he doesn't push on it. I throw myself back on the bed and hear him order two Big Mac's, large fries, large coke's, onion rings and two chocolate sundaes. Praise the lord for Louis Tomlinson.

"Do you need Advil?" He asks. He is literally god at the moment.

"Yes please." I say and even though I am glad he asked that, my voice comes out lifeless and blunt. Its because of the constant ache on my chest and the burning at the edge of my lungs that I can't seem to shake off. You can't shake that off, its the feeling of letting Harry down, again. I don't argue with my subconsciousness. She is correct.

Oh also it has something to do with getting your ass busted and now having to work for the fucking FBI. There, she is correct again.

Louis comes and nudges my legs. I stand up and he hands me the blue translucent oval shaped pill and a glass of water. I swallow the pill and lay back on the bed. Louis plops down beside me.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asks as he plays with the linen of the bed. I turn so I can see his face.

"No." I say and turn away. I can feel him turn to look at me like I did to him moments ago.

"Okay maybe I do." I say and turn back after a few moments of silence and him staring at me. He raises his eyebrows and does this stupid grin as in 'I knew it'.

"Louis I don't know what I am supposed to do. I love him so much but I fuck up constantly. It has been 2 days since we made up and 8 days since I left him here and drove back to Seattle. That's not healthy. Besides, I am starting to regret going back to him in the first place. I should have left him be. He was staying with Kim and Chloe, figuring his life out. I messed that up. I don't wanna leave him because I love him too much to actually choose a life without him but... You know The Great Gatsby?" I don't know how to describe this. He nods.

"What if I am his Tom? And I am standing between him and his Gatsby?" I know my eyes are wild and they tear up. Louis looks at me apologetically.

"Oh Sky." He says like a plea and pulls me closer. He hugs me, even though we are laying down, he manages to pull me onto his chest. I start to cry immediately.

"I don't want to be his Tom. I want to be his Gatsby." I sob onto Louis' chest as he racks his hand down my back. It soothes me. A little bit. If it had been Harry holding me, I would calm down measurably quicker.

"If I knew only one thing in this world, that would be that how polar opposites you two are. You are so different from him, entirely opposing in everything. He wants to settle down, he wants routine, he wants kids, he wants to be married, he wants stability. You want everything but. He is trying to get his reins on you but you refuse every single time." He says and my face falls. I came here for comfort and he is pouring salt on my newly bashed wounds.