Twitterpated (Spencer Reid x Reader)

Chapyer 44:

A/N: this is a sad one, sorry guys

For the next few weeks you and Spencer enjoyed your honeymoon as you city-hopped around the world, first Tokyo, then Sydney and so on, spending about 5 days in each place until you eventually came home in mid January.

You had barely heard from anyone while you were away due to the different countries you had been in, sometimes having no access to anyone back home, so you hadn't heard from Emily or Christopher about their supposed affair. You had assumed they had either called it off or were keeping it quiet and quiet honestly you didn't really want to know any details about your big brother and someone you had always thought of as a sister.

When you had gotten back, life returned to normal, Spencer was back doing cases and you were back at work and on your days off when the team was still away you still looked after Jack.

When march finally rolled around, it felt like your fast paced few months were suddenly in slow motion. It had been a year. A whole year since Reuben had died. The whole month it felt as though you were aching, like every limb and muscle had been sent into overdrive and you were just being. Not living.

Finally, it was the day you and Spencer had both been dreading since that awful day in the hospital. The day that would hurt a million times more than any other day so far. You woke up next to Spencer who was already awake. He was sat next to you staring at a newspaper but you could tell he wasn't reading it. You sat up next to him and rested your head on his shoulder, holding his arm that was closest to yours close to you. Spencer kissed the top of your head, resting his lips on your hair probably longer than was normal, but you didn't really notice. Your eyes were fixed on the photo frames on top of your dresser opposite the bed. The last ultrasound you had had for Reuben was there. Your precious boy that never got to meet you.

You and Spencer stayed in bed until noon. Barely speaking a word to each other for no other reason than what was there to say? You were both hurting, running through what you'd be doing on this day if your son had lived. You'd probably be having a birthday party, if he had been born that day or, if he had been born closer to his due date, he would be around 9 months old.

You had a shower and put on some comfy clothes, you and Spencer had both been given the day off without even asking, everyone knew it would be tough. When you got out of the shower Spencer was already downstairs putting a pot of coffee on and you went to join him, hugging him from behind as he was pouring the coffee into mugs.

"Hey. You smell good." Spencer smiled half-heartedly,

"It's called showering, you should try it sometime." You attempted to joke but the most either of you could do was a slight smile. Spencer took you in his arms and let out a sigh, holding you close and tight and you could feel his heart beating.

"I love you so much Y/N. So much... and I love him... so much, so much that it hurts that we never got to be his mom and dad." Spencer said, you could hear the tears being fought back in his voice, his throat was stiff and closed. You couldn't even respond, you just cried. Big, gut wrenching tears. The kind that gave you a headache almost instantly from dehydration.

You stood for a while in Spencer's arms crying until finally you had to use the bathroom. The rest of the day was similar, you both doing things and then crying together until finally you both decided you should eat something and settled for Indian food.

You cuddled up on the couch together while your favourite Marilyn movie played in the background but you weren't watching. You rested your head on Spencer's lap and pulled up your shirt to see your scar. The opening in your belly where your dying baby had been pulled from you. You traced your finger over the scar and shuddered at the thought of a C-section. You had scrubbed in on loads before but you hadn't ever really thought about your own. You didn't remember it of course, but you had an idea of how it would have played out. You felt a tear fall from your eye and Spencer caught it, rubbing it away and holding you close.