(A/N: Again, I'm sorry for the trauma...)
When you woke up you were in a hospital bed. You could hear the beeping of the ECG machine and general hospital sounds, but could barely move, you felt so weak and tired, like you had after you were kidnapped.
A few minutes later Spencer came in, rubbing tears from his eyes, "Hey..." He said wearily and sat down next to you bringing your hand up to his and kissed it softly, his eyes filling with tears,
"Spence, where's..." You began to say before you realised. You shook your head, "No..." You pleaded as you started crying, "No, Spencer, No." Your world had just been collapsed with you and Spencer left to bear the consequences.
"He's gone, Y/N." Spencer said through his tears, "You had a placental abruption, probably from the panic attack you had when you found out about Emily and the fall." Spencer explained and you cried more. He climbed into the bed with you and held you tight while you both sobbed at the loss of your son, before you even got to meet him.
After an hour or so you had calmed down slightly, probably not having anymore water left in your body to cry out. Spencer held you and stroked your hair and you looked down at your stomach, your bump still intact bit without a baby in it. "Spence, can I see him?" You asked, looking up at him and resting your head on his shoulder,
"Um, yeah... the doctors asked me earlier, but I wanted to wait for you to wake up." Spencer replied slightly surprised and kissed the top of your head, "I'll go find the nurse."
Spencer got up and a minute later came back with a nurse who explained that another nurse would bring him up in a minute but there were some forms you had to fill out which Spencer took care of for you as you were still too weak and understandably not up to it.
A few moments later and a nurse came up with your baby, wrapped in a blanket and you began to cry again. Spencer was still sat cradling you as the nurse handed you your son.
You held him close as you and Spencer both cried, memorising every feature. "He looks like you." You commented to Spencer and he laughed slightly,
"I think he just looks like him." Spencer replied through his tears.
"We like to recommend to parents that experience this to name their babies. Some find it helps in the healing process." One of the nurses suggested in a sympathetic tone.
You looked up at Spencer, "Any thoughts? We never really got that far."
"No... not really." Spencer sniffed and you looked back down at your baby, wishing he would miraculously take a breath right then.
You racked your brain, thinking of names that looked right for him and then it hit you, "What about Reuben?" You smiled, remembering your weekend away in the Hamptons.
You looked at your baby boy and then back up at Spencer who was smiling down at your son, "It's perfect." Spencer agreed and you passed him Reuben to hold while the two of you cried some more.
After you had settled on a name, the nurses left you and Spencer alone to spend some time with Reuben just the two of you. While Spencer held him, you looked through a pamphlet that the nurses had left for you both to read about things you could do to try and help you both through it.
It suggested things like dressing him, having a special blanket to wrap him in or even taking him home with you until his funeral, if you decided to have one, but neither of you were too keen on that idea.
"You know that blanket your mum sent that was yours? Maybe we should wrap him in that." You said to Spencer softly and he nodded,
"Yeah, I think that's a good idea. And we have some of the clothes Garcia got him too." Spencer smiled half heartedly and went back to looking at Reuben.
Sometimes for a second you forgot. About all of the horrible things that had happened. That Emily was still alive and so was your baby. When you looked at Spencer holding your son he looked so natural, like he was meant to be holding that baby, and it broke your heart that he wouldn't be able to much longer, and neither would you.
These thoughts all became a bit too much and you began to cry silently, not wanting to distract Spencer but he looked up anyway and came and sat back down next to you; holding Reuben in one arm and you in the other and cried with you.
You and Spencer both cried for almost an hour until the nurses came back in asking if you wanted Reuben to stay in a cot in your hospital room that night or go back with them and you and Spencer decided to send Reuben up with the nurses. You both needed some time to deal with not only the grief of your son, but of Emily, and it was hard to do that while he was in your arms.
You slid over on the bed and winced in pain as you did, "Are you okay?" Spencer asked worriedly,
"Yeah, just painful still, and these beds are so uncomfortable."
"Yeah I can't wait to go back home."
"Yeah... me too..." You whispered, thinking of Reuben's nursery being there when you got back to the house and you didn't know if you'd be able to face it.
———
The doctors wanted to keep you in hospital for a few days to make sure you were healing after your emergency C-section and also mentally stable enough to go home, not that they would say that out loud, but you had worked in a hospital long enough to know.
Spencer had been going back and forth to the house to get things that you needed and different people had been popping by to say hello. Your dad had gotten a flight out as soon as he heard but was staying at your house ready for when you got to go home. You still couldn't decide if you wanted to go home or not, you did because it was home. All of your things were there and it was much more comfortable, but it was also strange coming home from the hospital without your baby.
———————
2 days later, you were sat in bed in the hospital reading, trying to distract yourself from crying when there was a knock at the door, "Hey, hey." Penelope said softly, peering her head around the door and you forced a smile.
"Hey P."
"Is this a bad time, do you want me to come back or...?"
"No, no, now is fine. Spence has just gone back to the house to get my dad."
"Yeah, I know. I rang him first to see how you were both doing and see if you were up to having visitors and he said now would be a good time for that exact reason. He's good like that."'
"Yeah, he's the best." You smiled faintly, not being able to manage anything more,
Penelope sat on the side of your bed and took your hand, "Y/N, I am so sorry." She said, her eyes filling with tears and you felt your own doing the same,
"Yeah." You whispered, looking up at the light trying to fight back the tears, "Penelope how did everything get so fucked up?" You said through the tears and let your head fall into Penelope's shoulder and she cuddled you back crying as well. You both knew you were right, everything is fucked up.
YOU ARE READING
Twitterpated (Spencer Reid x Reader)
Fanfiction[SMUT WARNING] Y/N is just a girl, albeit a genius, but mainly just a girl who is mourning and in desperate need to escape her grief. So she goes to visit one of her oldest friends, Emily in Washington DC. Y/N was just looking for an escape, but wha...
