back to you || yeonbin

49

There is a thing about second chances. Quite contradicting approaches are almost necessary for them. One, you make a mistake and you crave for a second chance, as if you already know what to do once you get it. But once you get it, there occurs a scenario where you have absolutely no idea what to do with it.

Yeonjun could very well be grouped into the second category, because chances he was given many, but he never seized them all, not at least in the proper way.

So for him, sessions with Dr. Taishi were more or less, a shimmer hope into grabbing that second chance.

It had been almost 2 weeks since he had started showing up at the doctor's house. Only last time, the doctor had asked him to bring Jennie as well. Why, Yeonjun had asked him.

"Sometimes, people around you tend to know a lot more about yourself than you know. And she was with you for what...3, 4 years? That is a long time, my young friend. So bring her in! Oh and also you must take a photo of me with her! Promise, okay?"

Jennie had been a beautiful addition to his therapy sessions. He had never seen her so patient about something and he felt like for every single thing he did, she always had an eye on him as if she was afraid and cautious that he might do something. She would make her own suggestions, talk about her own little experiences and even take notes.
She had told the doctor that she was very glad she could do at least this for someone she considers as her own brother. And when the doctor told him that, Yeonjun had cried. For the one person he could definitely call, his sister. He had gone back home and apologized for every time he had shouted at her, pleading to her that he was sorry that he never let his heart out, never tried to reach out and most of all never tried to even ask if she was doing okay in the middle of all this.
Jennie had wiped off his tears and hugged him to sleep, crying on her own accord, saying that all was forgiven and that she could never hate him even if she tried.

There was one more addition of a woman into Yeonjun's life, ever since yesterday.

Hikari. Dr. Taishi's fabled granddaughter.
She was in her 20's, with dyed blue hair that reached her shoulders, almost ten piercings in both her ears and another ten rings in her nimble fingers. A bit tomboyish, but not enough.

When she saw Yeonjun, surprisingly she wasn't shocked. The doctor had already told her about his arrival.

Yeonjun talked.
Perhaps after almost three years, to a MOA.

"Oh yeah, I cried. I hadn't cried like that even when my grandma died. I was like 14 or something back then."
Yeonjun huffed. He almost felt like he wasn't ready for this conversation, but it was long overdue.
"One fine day, flash news, the one artist you've been rooting for, the one who literally made your days light up, disbanded. We didn't know what to think, we couldn't come up with any reason as to why you guys would do that. I, for one, couldn't even think of a reason, for I was busy crying the shit outta myself. I couldn't eat, sleep...It almost felt like I had no purpose."

Yeonjun couldn't even yank out an apology from himself, as his breath caught up in his throat. Almost choking.
Hikari continued.
"And when we got the news on why, did you know what we felt?"

Yeonjun shook his head.

"Hate. Towards you."

Yeonjun nodded, tears in his eyes. Unable to mutter out a single word.

"Not because you had a relationship with a member. But because you made the biggest wrong assumption about the people you cherished as fans."

Yeonjun slowly turned his head towards the girl, forcing out a "What...?"

"We're MOAs. Your Moments of Alwaysness. You named us. You knew us better than any other person out there. How did you possibly assume that we would boycott you, just because you had a relationship with Soobin?"

He stared long.

"Your true fans always stood by you. Trust me, if you had one day gone on V-Live and suddenly told us that you have a boyfriend and that is Soobin, we would have literally acted surprised. And congratulated you and planned your destination wedding in Paris."

Yeonjun smiled slightly.

"But you left. No words, no goodbyes. Nothing for MOAs, not even your members. Almost like you disappeared from the face of the earth. I know hundreds of my MOA friends, who still keep on asking me, what would have happened if Yeonjun had stayed? Talked it out and convinced everyone? At least tried to?"

"...the band would have stayed..." Yeonjun muttered meekly.

"Yeah." Hikari huffed out.

"I tried going back once. I actually did. To Seoul. Hobi-hyung saw me and he got...pretty angry. That was when I got to know about Taehyun's and Kai's addiction. And Kai's...I mean he tried to.."
Yeonjun sniffed.
"...I didn't meet Soobin. I went back the same day. And I tried to move on but I couldn't...no matter how hard I tried.... Every night I would have nightmares of Kai, lying lifeless and I would lose myself again...That was when I met Soobin again...we talked...smiled...oh god he was beautiful..."

Yeonjun paused. He wasn't sure if he was ready to talk about that part of his life.
" One thing lead to another, and he ended up in bed together... I don't know if it was the alcohol or a longing that was bottled up in me for such a long time, I felt so happy that day..."

Hikari turned to him.
"Then?.."

"I woke up in the middle of the night. Almost felt like someone inside me was screaming that I was a monster, using him for my own needs and that I was going to hurt him again...and I ran away again..."

With that, Yeonjun broke down. Tears of regret, misery tumbled down his cheeks and he felt losing his control as he cried and wailed.

Hikari had tears in her eyes, as she leaned close to him, and put her hand across his shoulders, pulling him into a one-sided hug.
And she let him cry.

"They miss you, you know. They may not show it, but it's there. We would know."

Yeonjun breathed out.

"Kai often plays 'Lonely Boy' on piano during his V-Lives. Beomgyu doesn't show it much he we know he misses you. Taehyun sometimes talks about you, openly on live, and sometimes ends up saying that he misses you."

"Soobin...?"

"I don't know. We barely see him. Acting gigs and all. He is booked and busy, almost throughout the year. But I am sure he misses you the most..."

" Oh and so does BTS... Taehyung and Jimin, the most, probably. During one of V's house tours, we saw a picture on the wall, you, him and Jungkook."

Yeonjun remembers taking that picture.
It was after the MAMA performance, Yeonjun had a solo dance performance that had left the audience in shambles and Taehyung and Jungkook had seen him in the hallway and dragged him for a picture.

"Do you still love him?" Hikari asked, an almost inevitable question.

"Yes. Much more than myself."

"Then you gotta fight for him. And not just him. Everyone you used to call family."

Yeonjun smiled as he looked far ahead into the horizon, hoping and preparing for the best.

________

Hope you enjoyed the chapter.
Take care everyone!