All Things Go ➳ Sam Wilkinson | Derek Luh

All Things Go - Chapter Thirteen

Alyssa

"Hey Swazz, can we go out to lunch?" I asked him with a small smile. "I really need to talk to you and plus, we haven't been out together in a while. You down?"

He grinned widely and nodded his head. "Of course, I would love to have lunch with my best friend."

It's been two days since I've told Derek about the whole pregnancy thing. He hasn't tried to talk to me once, it's like he completely forgot about me and he just moved on with life. I hate that he just abandoned me like that. Like I said, it takes two people to lay down and make a baby.

I can't believe he thinks it's okay to ditch me like that and then just come back when he's ready to be a dad. I wish I could do that, just postpone this baby until I'm ready, but I can't. That is not how life works, you need to own up to your mistakes and face the consequences.

I am positive that I am going to love this child inside of me no matter what but shit man, it's going to be hard. I can already tell that this whole baby thing isn't going to be easy. It's hard already and it's not even here yet!

***

"I'm happy about it," Swazz laughed as he took a bite of his french fry. "But enough about me, what'd you need to tell me?"

I took in a deep breath. "Okay, I'm just going to cut to the chase. I'm pregnant."

His eyes widened at my words. "Wait... what? Are you positive?" He asked with his eyes still widen. I nodded. "Wow, that's great! I'm happy for you, Alyssa. Whatever you decide to do, I'll support you no matter what. Aw, we're going to have a little baby in the squad! Does Derek know?"

"Yeah," I sighed and looked down at my lap. "He said that he's not ready so I don't think he's going to step up, but it's cool. I can raise this child on my own, it'll be tough but I'll manage."

Oh shit, I still need to tell Josh that I'm pregnant. He left back to New York yesterday and I just didn't feel like telling him. 

"Woah, woah, woah," he said and started shaking his head. "No, you are not going to go through this alone! He needs to step up and be a dad to that baby in your stomach. He helped you create it, he can help you raise it. That dick."

I sighed and looked up at him. "Can we talk about this later? I just want to have a nice relaxing day with no drama."

Derek

I was making out with some chick that Nate brought to the studio when the front door opened and Swazz and Alyssa walked through the door. She had a wide smile on her face until she spotted me and the girl making out on the couch. Her smile faded completely and once Swazz noticed what was happening, his jaw clenched.

"I'm going upstairs," I heard Alyssa say to Swazz quietly. "Thanks for lunch, by the way."

I watched as she walked up the stairs with watery eyes. No, no, no. I hate when she cries - especially when it's because of me. 

"Get out," Swazz said to the blonde girl that was sitting on my lap. She got up and walked out the front door with no hesitation. "What the hell is your problem, man? Not just because of this, but because you can't man up and take care of your child?"

I sighed. I don't even know what my problem is, to be honest. I love Alyssa, God I fucking love her, but I can't be a father right now. My career is finally getting to where I want it to be and like I said, a baby will fuck it up.

The girl I was with right now was just a distraction - I guess you could call her that. I was trying to get over the fact that in nine months, a child with my DNA and my looks will be brought into this Earth. I was also trying to get over the fact that I hurt Alyssa but this just hurt her even more.

God, I hate myself.

"I don't even know, man," I sighed and rubbed my hand down my face. "I just can't step up and be the person she wants me to be. I'm not ready, I'm too young to be a dad. I mean, I get that she's younger than me but shit dude. Are you guys even sure it's mine?"

His eyes widened at my words. "Are you seriously suggesting that she cheated on you? Are you serious right now? We both know damn well that she loves you and only you. She doesn't want to be with anyone else but you. So yes, I'm sure it's yours."

He's right. "But man, you need to step the fuck up," he continued with a sigh. "You helped create the kid, you can help raise it. She can't do it on her own. She needs someone that'll be there for her and love her. She needs you right now Derek, more than ever." 

"I love her, Swazz, I really do. She's my everything, I don't want to lose her. But I'm just scared that I won't be the greatest dad, that I'll fuck something up. I'm scared I won't be good enough for my child, that they'll hate me. Man, I don't want my child to grow up without a father but I don't want it to grow up with me as a father."

"Nobody's perfect," he shook his head. "You'll be a great father, if you just step up. If you loved her, and I mean really loved her like you claim you do, then you would be there for her no matter what. You'd be a great dad, you just have to be there in order for that to happen. I suggest you do that now before it's too late."

Shit, he's right. I thanked him and ran up the stairs two steps at a time to Alyssa's room. I lightly knocked on the door and I heard her sniffle. "Go away," her voice cracked. "I don't want to talk to anyone right now."

"Baby, please open the door," I sighed and rested my forehead on the door frame. "I need to talk to you. Just open the door baby girl."

I heard her sniffle some more but she didn't say anything after that. I sighed and turned the knob, which was surprisingly unlocked. I opened the door and saw her rolled up in a ball on her bed. I walked over to where she was laying and I saw her eyes were all read and puffy.

My heart broke at the sight in front of me - my girl crying, because of me.

"I said go away," she sniffled and wiped her eyes. "I don't want to talk to you Derek, go with your little girlfriend or something. I don't care what you do but just leave me alone!"

"Baby, that girl didn't mean shit to me," I said, wiping away the tears that fell from her eyes. "I promise she didn't. I love you, and only you. You're my everything and God, I was so stupid to let you go. I'm not going anywhere, I'm going to stay with you and I am going to be a father to my child. Starting now."

She shook her head and more tears fell from her eyes. "No, Derek. How do I know that you're serious about this? How do I know that you're not going to leave me?"

"Because I love you."

Author's note

I love Swazz guys. Drama in the next chapter so be prepared!